[1/2] I woke up this morning with a bad hangover And my penis was missing again. This happens all the time. It's detachable. This comes in handy a lot of the time. I can leave it home, when I think it's gonna get me in trouble, Or I can rent it out, when I don't need it. But now and then I go to a party, get drunk, And the next morning I can't for the life of me Remember what I did with it. First I looked around my apartment, and I couldn't find it. So I called up the place where the party was, They hadn't seen it either. I asked them to check the medicine cabinet 'Cause for some reason I leave it there sometimes But not this time. So I told them if it pops up to let me know. I called a few people who were at the party, But they were no help either. I was starting to get desperate. I really don't like being without my penis for too long. It makes me feel like less of a man, And I really hate having to sit down every time I take a leak.

[2/2] After a few hours of searching the house, And calling everyone I could think of, I was starting to get very depressed, So I went to the Kiev, and ate breakfast. Then, as I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark's Place, Where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street, I saw my penis lying on a blanket Next to a broken toaster oven. Some guy was selling it. I had to buy it off him. He wanted twenty-two bucks, but I talked him down to seventeen. I took it home, washed it off, And put it back on. I was happy again. Complete. People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached, But I don't know. Even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass, I like having a detachable penis.

The new a-level exams are way too easy, I mean it's not our fault, but obviously the education secretary should change up the a-level playing field. Exam boards are asking ridiculously easy questions, and this is obviously unfair as previous years have sat daunting, but well set exams while we can just essentially sit "Mickey Mouse" exams. It honestly just defeats the purpose of calling these qualifications "A-Levels", the difficulty of these exams are incomparable with the difficulty of GCSE exams. The qualifications should be renamed to General Certificates of Secondary Education because it's honestly quid pro quo.

EDIT: For the record, I'm actually studying Maths, Further Maths, Physics, Chemistry, Spanish, Italian, Computer Science, Electronics, Engineering and Biology. I'm also doing an EPQ on neurology and one on mechatronics and I hope to study medicine at Oxford while starting my online business.