Destroy All Humans!

Originally released in 2005 for the Xbox and Playstation 2, Destroy All Humans! takes place during the 1950's in the middle of the Cold War between the United States and the now defunct USSR, DAH! uses the time to explore rural, urban and suburban and provide a satirical commentary on uncle sam military propaganda, red flag paranoia, and communist hysteria that took root in the United States throughout the entire Cold War.

DAH! Doesn't just poke fun at the US of the time, it also cracks at 50's B-Movie Sci-Fi: Take - The Day the Earth Stood Still (1951), It Came from Outer Space and War of the Worlds (1953), Them! (1954), Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1957), and The Fly (1958). You view the game through the eyes of a Furon, a stunted blue-ish alien similar in description to the supposed Roswell Grey's, named Cryptosporidium, clone #137. Your goal on Earth is 2-fold: Find out what happened to your predecessor - Crpytospordium, clone #136 - and harvest human DNA strands stored in their brainstems to resequence your species' DNA which has become degraded from eons of cloning after they rendered themselves infertile from over use of nuclear weapons.

The game is filled to the brim with highly exaggerated, flamboyant borderline offensive stereotypes and cliches, interwoven into every possible aspect of the game: weapons, enemies, story, dialogue, settings, locations, and art style. While the old hardware of the Original Xbox and PS2 cranked out just enough displayable polygons to sell what the devs were aspiring to create, the overhauled graphics amp an already outrageous game up to 11, and it is absolutely glorious.

Before you even touch down in rural American, somewhere in Mississippi if I had to guess based on the map, your handler and lead scientist on the Furon DNA resequence project, Orthopox, clone #13, is already barking orders at you, Crpyto, and he does so the entire game. The two seem to share a love-hate relationship, with 'Pox being interested in furthering mission goals and the invasion of Earth while Crypto begrudgingly follows his orders, anticipating the next time he gets to vaporise a family of 4, or knock down a couple city blocks.

Very early on in the game you start butting heads with the Military and some shady organization called "Majestic" which is totally not the CIA, I swear. On top of local law enforcement, and any civilians you encounter, there is a lot to shoot at. The missions of the game follow a set plot, but you're encouraged to free-roam the current locations to complete challenges, recover collectables, just plain old explore and blow stuff up if you so please. Progression of the game is locked to missions, the more missions you complete the more hardware you've given to Destroy All Humans!

Your on-foot arsenal consists of 4 weapons: The Zap-O-Matic, a deliciously over the top electrical discharge weapon that can chain to near-by enemies. The Disintegrator Ray, a very stereotypical weapon for hostile aliens that reduces whatever it kills to ash. The Anal Probe, which does exactly as you think it does, connects to the nearest anus and then proceeds to blow that person's head off. And lastly, for when all else fails, there's the Ion Detonator: A grenade launcher that instantly vaporizes all infantry and most vehicles in a single shot.

However as a highly evolved Furon, you get access to a full suite of mental abilities including: Telekinesis, Mind Reading, Brain Extraction (Similar to the Anal Probe), Holobob which allows you to blend in to your surroundings by imitating an individual. Forget, Distract, and Follow. As well as Transmog which converts props you find in the map to ammo. And a bunch of contextual specific powers which I won't get into.

And your highly advanced interstellar civilization has a hole pack of hardware built into your space suit: A full-on Jet Pack, Hoverskates, Shield Generator, and Dash Jets.

And no Alien invasion game would be complete without your very own FLYING SAUCER. Oh yeah! Complete with a Death Ray, Sonic Boom Generator, and Quantum Deconstructor, you can be levelling entire city blocks in just a few shots with any one of these. It also has repulsion field, and abduction beam, and transmoger for ammo recovery just like you do on foot.

Wow its almost like the game wants you to use the tools its given you to have fun. Revolutionary concept I know, but its something I feel many modern games have forgotten.

A full set of upgrades exists to make your arsenal improve as the game progresses, for you to choose as you see fit. Some missions require you to be stealthy or avoid hard contact with local law enforcement, while others just have you murdering everything in sight as you so choose to do. The upgrade progression is tied to DNA collection, of which you get DNA by... what else? Harvesting human brains, extract and anal probe as much as you can. But the fun doesn't stop there, every mission gives you a sum of DNA upon completion, and each mission has a series of secondary objectives which aren't critical to the completion of that mission but will reward you with more DNA upon success of the operation.

Spread throughout the locations are a series of drone collectables which reward DNA for their recovery, and as the game progresses, challenge missions which are entirely optional, are unlocked at each one of the locations you discover and explore that grant you even more DNA based on your score in them, up to 3 Stars. Races, Rampage, Abduction, and Armageddon challenges will gift you bonuses, and the ability to complete them is some-what locked off behind your progression through the upgrades. Upgrades effect your Saucer, weapons, mental abilities, and your suit. So every aspect of your arsenal improves as you move through the game.

A personal recommendation: Upgrade the Zap-O-Matic as quickly as possible, it is all round the best and grab the S.K.A.T.E upgrades as you'll need your hover skates to achieve 3 stars in the challenge races.


A thorough player is rewarded with ample DNA for upgrades, bonus skins for Crypto that you can wear at your leisure, and a complete set of concept art for you to browse through which details the graphics overhaul the devs put into this game. There's also a complete handbook that unlocks entries as you encounter new and strange things, all of which have comments from the game's 3rd Furon character: Gastroenteritis, clone #999. He has a much bigger roll and appearance DAH! 2.

Crpyto is voiced by the J. Grant Albrecht who done VA work for a huge number of video games, while Orthopox is voiced by the legendary Richard Steven Horvitz, most well known for his iconic Invader Zim. And oh boy these two have an absolute ball playing their respective characters, they do the vast majority of the meaningful talking in this game, along with majestic agents, and the occasional military hard-ball general.

The original soundtrack and main furon theme focuses on the more eerie side of science fiction, similar to the original Alien, or certain parts of the Independence Day score. And while certainly not the highlight of this game, its soundtrack compliments the gameplay and cutscene well enough, definitely not a detractor. The Furon Main menu theme though, is both frightening and mysterious in a sci-fi typical score you'd expect when dealing with aliens.

For everything this remake wants to do and achieve, it succeeds in spades. There's content here you wouldn't get buying the typical 60 dollar base version of a modern "AAA" title, and on that alone Destroy All Humans! is worth the money their asking for it. If you pre-ordered the game you get access to a bunch of Deluxe skins for Crypto that you can choose to wear, otherwise you have to purchase it as DLC.

Obviously a thumbs up from me, and more importantly, I need a DAH!2 remake now like yesterday.

Destroy All Humans!
One giant step on mankind.