Harry: Ron, pass me the spliffendor. This vvizard vveed you got from Bagrid be some gas on Merlin, bruh.

Ron: Aight Harry, go easy bruv, I laced this one with gillyweed to get some mermaid ♥♥♥♥♥.

Harry: Being the chosen one brings lots of anxiety and depression, Ron. I'm finna chief this whole ass blunt if I feel like it.

Hermione: Ron! Harry! What are you two oafs doing? We have potions class right now!

Harry: ♥♥♥♥♥♥, sorry we're late Snape, we had to fight some gay ass trolls or summin' idk.

Snape: Is that marijuana I detect? Need I remind you rapscallions that weed is prohibited outside of the school's greenhouse. Additionally, that ♥♥♥♥ smell mid AF. Negative 420 points to Griffindor.

Hermione: Ron, you moronic new ♥♥♥♥♥! Bagrid sold yo ass some oregano grass clippings!

Malfoy: Typical Weasleys... bringing the midpack to the function.

Snape: That's enough Mr Malfoy. Let us continue with the lesson. Today's potion is a powerful concoction known to the Muggles as "lean".

Ron: Me mum says only dark wizards can sip the purp potion. I don't know about this Harry...

Snape: Shut the ♥♥♥♥ up and sip this ♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥♥!

Harry: Oooh ♥♥♥♥! That thing bleedin' P! ♥♥♥♥♥♥ I'm faded off the wock this ♥♥♥♥ wild bruh. Ron, you good slime?

Ron: Harry... I'm buggin' out... I think Professor Snape slipped me a perc.

Snape: That was a Flintsone gummy bruh. This is why you get no witches.

Later....

Snape: Albus, I caught Potter and his friends with some mid ass herb, most likely given to them by Sirius Pack. How do we proceed?

Dumbledore: Aight first of all ♥♥♥♥♥ don't go runnin' up on a real ♥♥♥♥♥ snitchin' like that this ♥♥♥♥ ain't the opp block ♥♥♥♥♥ pipe down. Now, since Harry was able to sip pure wock without buggin', he is ready to face the opp who shall not be named. He is ready for... the Elder Blunt.

Snape: Albus you cannot be serious! He is only a boy. The Elder Blunt is the loudest ♥♥♥♥ ever rolled.

Dumbledore: Indeed, it is the same gas that we used on Tom Middle all those years ago. Therefore, only it can stop the dark loud. BTW you tryna hit this ♥♥♥♥ bruh? It'll quell your nervousness for Potter.

Snape: I... Suppose... cough cough Damn this ♥♥♥♥ loud AF!

Dumbledore: Serverus! Stay with me! I need you to give me a ride to 7/11! I got hella munchies bruh!

Meanwhile...

Hermione: Ron, if you want me to keep tweking on your nuts, you have to stop smoking weed. Harry is a bad influence.

Ron: Of course, my queen. All of my gas money will go to your OnlyFans.

Harry: Ayo, Ron, the rotation is starting in the common room, slide thru.

Ron: Sorry Harry, but... Hermoine says I can't smoke anymore 'cause you're a bad influence.

Harry: Ron, you simp ass ♥♥♥♥♥! She hit the wall after the first movie bruh! I know just the spell to snap you out of it... KUSHIUS DANKUM!

Ron: Much better bruv, my apologies. Hermoine get the ♥♥♥♥ up out my traphouse, hoe.

Hermoine: Ron you ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥! How am I supposed to afford my acrylics bum ass ♥♥♥♥♥!?

Harry: Better get on that wizard welfare, mudblood...

Hermoine: sobs

Voldemort: I sense Potter is becoming a bigger trapstar than we feared... We must run up on these opps now! Send the dementor plugs...

To be continued...