Recent reviews by AcapitalA

You know how Mojang is absolutely garbage as a studio, yet Minecraft is still played despite vanilla being lame as all hell, just because there's nothing quite like it? Yeah, exactly.

What if everything you ever wanted... WAS TO SLASH SH*T IN THE FACE!? FOREVER! THEN YOU NEED SAMURAI SHAMPOO!!! PUT THIS SWEET-AS* KATANA ON YOUR SAMURAI AND YOU WILL DECIMATE THINGS WITH YOUR POWERFUL BLOWS. IT IS A GEM. YOU WILL LOOK GLAMOROUS LIKE A STYLISH LADY WHILE YOU GANK SOMEONE IN THE THROAT SO HARD THEIR TEETH GO FLYING OUT OF THEIR A**HOLE! YOUR ARMS ARE BEDAZZLED! BEDAZZLED WITH THE STRENGTH OF 1,000 KODIAK BEARS IF KODIAK BEARS GAVE ZERO F*S ABOUT GRAVITY AND EVOLVED TO DO SWEET PUSH-UPS! YOU WILL SET YOUR CHILD ON YOUR KNEE TO GIVE HIM SOUND FATHERLY ADVICE AND THAT CHILD WILL F*ING EXPLODE BECAUSE YOUR BODY IS INSTANT DEATH! YOUR SON WILL DIE! YOUR WIFE WILL DIVORCE YOU! YOU WILL DIE ALONE ATOP THE MOUNTAIN OF CORPSES YOU'VE LEFT IN YOUR WAKE AS YOUR LIFE DISSOLVES INTO A NIGHTMARISH HELLSCAPE OF VIOLENCE AND DEPRAVITY! YOU WILL TAKE YOUR WEAPON INTO THE DUNGEON AND YOU WILL MASSACRE PEOPLE! YOU WILL F* THEM UP! YOU WILL END ONIS! DENIED! GET THAT BITE THE F* OUT OF HERE! YOU WILL SMACK BAT DEMONS AND CAUSE THEM TO WEEP FIERY TEARS! YOU WILL KILL STOMPERS ...CAREFULLY.... YOU WILL SLASH BOSSES IN THEIR ARENAS, DIVING INTO THEIR ARENA ENRAGED, BLIND AS SH*T AND MURDERING THEM WITH YOUR DESIRE FOR FACIAL BEAUTY! IT IS YOUR ARENA NOW SO F* THAT GU---wait, sh*t...THE ARENA IS DRENCHED IN BLOOD BECAUSE OF YOU GODD*MMIT WHY THE F* DID YOU DO THAT!? YOU WILL RUIN YOUR RUNS LIKE I HAVE BECAUSE YOU ARE ADDICTED TO THE SWEET, SWEET SOUND OF DEATH! YOU WILL CATCH SO MANY BULLETS TO THE FACE AND IT WILL BE WORTH IT WHEN YOU KNOCK A BAT-DEMON THE F* OUT BEFORE HE CAN FILL YOU WITH HOLES! EVERY PAINFUL DEATH WILL BE VALIDATED AS YOUR SWORD COLLIDES WITH A STOMPER'S FAGGY SHY-GUY MASK SO HARD THAT HE'S RENDERED BRAIN-DAMAGED AND HIS FAMILY FIGHTS WITH THE STATE OF TEXAS TO TAKE HIM OFF OF LIFE-SUPPORT! HE WILL LIVE OFF OF TUBES! BECAUSE OF TEXAAAAAAS! SAMURAIIIIIIIII SHAMPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!