Sometimes a man just has to jack it. Why, I remember on one occasion, my wank-urge was so strong, I just started jackin' myself out in the old barn shed. Course my pappy came in and beat me senseless, tellin' me every time I touched my jack stick it would make Jesus cry. I didn't care much for Jesus, and I'd bet a dime on a dollar he liked jackin' too, he was just a man, after all. But out of all this, I'll never forget the look on my pap's face. Was almost like he was tryin' to beat his own sins out of me. He was a jacker too, we all was, an' he knew it.

Long story short, son, we all just need to jack it from time to time.

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