Hello my name is Carl and i am the leader of the USC. What is the USC you may ask? Well sir, sit down and grab a drink because THIS is the story of my life.

I was born in a desert somewhere in Utah. Since my parents werent happy with me they threw me away, and i happened to land onto an airplane, the propeller beheaded me, but i somehow survived. The story of my birth was on the front page of all newspapers and people from all over the world came to the desert. Some even stayed and the town Carlton was born. And who was is named after? Yes, my mom, Carl. My parents never gave me a name and people just called me Carl. And thus the legend of Carl was born.

Because my head got chopped off by a propellor my head flew off for a couple of meters next to some hobos. They were really nice guys, they Fed me, read me bedtime stories, let me smoke pot daily and got my head stitched on a new body. I had a great time as a child but I never was the brighest kid from school, but that is probably because i never went to school.

In my teenage years i smoked a lot of Weird ♥♥♥♥. One day i was high and signed up for the US air force. Because i was a kid who was 12 years old, people laughed at me but i somehow still got into the training school. Training school was fun, i got to shoot guns, do simulators, get raped by other hobo's. I had a great time.

Than the moment was there... The day I had been waiting for, flying a plane on my own! I was so excited that I couldnt hold my pee and ran off. I pissed against a wall without thinking, but the dog from the chief was on that spot. Since i was high i didnt care and started to pee on the dog, the chief saw me and walked to me threatening me, and said that I wasnt allowed to fly. Me?! CARL THE GREAT! WASNT ALLOWED TO FLY? HA! But because I am a man with manners I solved it as an adult. I put a gun against his head. funny how a gun can change someones opinion really fast. He freely asked me to be the first to fly, of course i accepted it. See? Manners can solve ANYTHING.

After a couple of years (and more adult manners) i got promoted to chief of my Squad. If you are thinking that I got promoted because I pulled a gun again, than you are very wrong! A knife also does the job. As i was saying, i was the leader of a squad, the third brigade. I did not like the name though, so i changed it. And thus the CarlSquad was born.

I got some men who were just as smart as me and we created some plans, world domination you think? Nononono, we started with the USA, we blew up the fastfood restaurants. And because Americans were Americans they gave up pretty fast, they would "die of hunger" they said. Funny puddingbags.

After the USA was taken over in 1969 (lolol 69) by the CarlSquad I changed its name. And so, the USC was born. USC? United States of Carl. Being president was fun, but i wasnt all... I wanted something that would bring light to my life, so i bought a lamp. I liked the lamp, i called him lampie, we became besties.

The CarlSquad grew dramatically, we needed more space. But where could we find more space? In space? Nahnahnah. WORLD DOMINATION. The plans are still on and we are busy with building our new and genius airplanes. The war will be fought in the air of course. Because that is how it all started.

That is the story up till now, dont dare to get in our way because we wont go for a no and we will whoop your ass.

You're warned.


"You wont become retarded, you are born retarded" ~Carl 1987