Give it up folks, einstein over here has something to say. What’s that buddy? Wha- A grammatical error?!? WHAT?!? B… Bu… That can’t be possible! Surely not! A GRAMMAR MISTAKE? IN MY SIGHT?!? What a great, absolute miracle that you and your 257 IQ Brain were here to correct it! Thank you! Have my gratitude, Actually, What’s your cash app? I’d like to give you 20$… Know what? While we’re at it have the keys to my car. Actually, no, scratch that. Have the keys to my house, go watch my kids grow up. Also, my Paypal username and password are Ilikesmartazzes4 and 968386329. Go have fun. Thank you for your work.

*jaw drops to floor, eyes pop out of sockets accompanied by trumpets, heart beats out of chest, awooga awooga sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, rattling any plates, bowls or silverware, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens tie, combs hair* Ahem, you look very lovely.

I haven't taken a shít in eleven days. My friends think I'm funny. My doctor thinks I'm going to die. My wife is divorcing me for being "too weird". Me? I don't think they get me, what I do or WHO I AM. The reason I'm holding this in is two fold:
a. It proves to my body that my mind is in control, NOT my body. Just like showering cold, I'm telling myself I can do it.
b. Thursday is Thursday Twink Twerk at Juniors Bar and Grill and I'm going to twerk so hard it shoots out onto the floor (I'm going to be baby oiled up and butt ass naked)

___________--:::::::::::::::::###==,________ /|
|________ ..==|>>>>>>>>###=="==============
|...=/---------------/::/;)------\_\_\\
-------------------/_/----------\_\_\\
---------------------------------\ _\_\ this is the kalashnikov of sweg and awsomeness. post this to all of your freinds profiles if your swag enuf

I'm not a boomer. I am not a boomer. Do not f ucking call me a boomer ever again. I am quite honestly one of the least boomer people you have ever met. I make jokes about depression, mad f ucking f ucked depression. I am not boomer. I am not a boomer. Stop saying I am a boomer. If you were a boomer, I would have probably already punched the s hit out of you by now, but fortunately you are a zoomer whose body remained un-touched by my fat, meaty, fists because I AM NOT A BOOMER. If I was a boomer though, you would find my Jackhammer pounding your face with my fists. Luckily for you, I am NOT A BOOMER, and you will have your virgin face remain unpounded ad infinitum. Actually, it seems to me like you are the boomer here. You are a boomer, not me. I am not a boomer, and I will never be. If I was ever a boomer in a past life (which I WASN'T), I would be killing myself right now, that is how boomer I AM NOT.

Second grade survival guide:

• second grade gets HARD. Stay on top of all your homework.

• in sexond grade you learn the hard $hit. Multiplication is no joke. may b get a tutor

• grammer and speling will kill you so practiece a lot

• dronk water

• study 40 hours a day

• dating gets real. this is the grade to get a serious boy/girlfriend. this isn’t 1st grade anymore. cooties aren’t a thing anymore.

• if u get a bad grade punch ur teacher in their crotch!

• 99.99% of people lose their virginity in 2nd grade. don’t get left behind

• girls: no more shopping at justice or baby gap anymore. shop at the real stores now. Like Victoria secret and brandy Melville

• guys: wear heelies to get all the hoes

• you should defiantly know where you wanna go to college at this point

• take all ap classes

• $hit your pants on the first day of school to assert your dominance