Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly & poor.

I saw a poster today, somebody was asking “Have you seen my cat?” So I called the number and said that I didn’t. I like to help where I can.

I remember once when my dad gave me money to pay the electricity bill but instead i bought a raffle ticket for a brand new car. When i got home,i explained to my dad what i did and he beat the crap out of me. But the next day,when my dad woke up and opened the door,outside my house was a brand new car. We all cried especially me,because the car was from the electricity company,they were there to cut off the electricity, my dad beat the crap out of me again

In Class:2+2=4
Homework:2+4+2=8
In Exam:John has three apples, calculate the mass of the earth, how much money does Harry have left?

This morning, i used redbull instead of water to make my coffee. After 15 minutes driving on a highway, i realized i left my car at home!

I was in a cab today and the cab driver said, "I love my job, I'm my own boss. Nobody tells me what to do..." Then I said, "turn Left".