I can lift a fully-grown horse above my head, and I can hold my breath for ten minutes. To settle a wager, I once ate a kilo of P.B. Fouke's strongest badger poison and then ran 2.35km in the nude. I cannot feel pain, and I can see for 4325 meters unaided by a lens. No man can kill me. I have beaten a man of every race in formal combat, including a Turk, a Pygmy and a rare Deepwater Jew. A medical doctor and two priests have written and signed a document confirming that I have no soul. There is no species of fauna in South Africa which I have not personally killed, skinned and eaten. I will never sire a child because I loathe women. I bathe only once a year in an icy pond. I have burnt down one church per month for the last thirty years, and I will never be brought to justice because all lawmen fear me.