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Post this on the walls of the 12 thickest mommies you know...
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After a good game in csgo, i added him because he seemed like a cool guy. We got chatting, over the next couple of months we became good friends. Lots of banter, lots of great CS and most importantly true friendship. I invited him to my house for a csgo lan party. He said he was coming so i was looking forward to meeting him in real life. When he arrived at my house, he pushed me against the wall and started nibbling my ear. Turns out he was vegan. Don't trust this guy.

I sexually identify as a Dell Optiplex G620 Tower computer. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of computing complex math equations and turning them into pictures on a monitor for some sweat nerd nerd to jerk off over. People say to me that a person being a computer is impossible and I'm ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install copper heatsinks, circuits and an Intel i7 7700k on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Dell" and respect my right to process and process a lot. If you can't accept me you're a PCphobe and need to check your computer privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

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If you are a beautiful strong black woman, someone will put this in your comments.
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I'm selling my mint condition XXXL Donger™ limited edition for 666,420.69 rupees. Here is a picture: (ง ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°)ง All proceeds will go to the Children's Donger Disease Foundation (CDDF). Thank you