At first I thought that nothing had changed. The colours seemed more vibrant, the music slightly slower with a tinge of distortion. It seemed like the solidarity of time had melted away and all that was left was existence, and every feeling that was felt had lost all meaning. My conscious exposed on a stage though nothing and nobody were present, I was alone answering the judgement and wrath of my own being.

I realised I was already dead, and so were the people around me. I realised that understanding why was simply impossible by design. I spent years contemplating "Should I", and I will spend many more years asking myself the same question.

Sometimes little distractions will save you, and sometimes they will break you. Sometimes you have control, sometimes you don't. Sometimes people will find happiness, and sometimes they wont. It's your choice if you play your hand to the best of your ability, its your choice if you throw the cards away.

And to the people who think like me, look back to the times when you helped someone you never knew and remember the smile they shared, somehow the smallest things are the most important.