‘Ave a butcher’s, you muppet. I’m at the rub-a-dub for a swift pint o’ pig’s ear when some geezer — lookin’ like a right dog's dinner — reckons ‘e’s the Duke of Dagenham. I says, “Do one, mate!” Then me mince pies start twitchin’, the Joanna’s playin’ itself, and me trouble’s floatin’ down the apples an’ pears like she’s in the bleedin’ West End.

I’d barely touched me beans, bangers, an’ mash — mash still steamin’ like Big Ben’s kettle — when a fox in a waistcoat nicked me fork and yelled, “Viva La Greggs!”

Next fing I know, I’m arguin’ wiv a badger in braces about Tuesday’s lottery numbers, me dog’s writin’ a novel, and the milkman’s tappin’ Morse on me window like he’s MI5.

Swear on me mum’s best china, if I turn into a lamppost, just tell the lads I went out doin’ what I loved — shoutin’ at clouds an’ givin’ the vicar a dead leg.

If you ♥♥♥♥ in the sink at exactly 4:20 am and yell “amogus” 69 times,a shadowy figured called mom will come to beat you up and you will wake up in a place called the orphanage

My friend was brutally taken advantage of and then k*lled in front of me 😭

I (rat 2M) was hanging out with my friend (rat 1.5M) in a back alley in NYC around a dumpster and some human kids came over to us (clearly high off some xans) and grabbed my friend. I quickly ran under the dumpster as i watched them make him do dances. Then one of them threw him into the wall and he exploded! I had to watch from under my dumpster as bits and pieces of my friend rained down around me. I have vowed now to find this human that did this and make him pay for his actions!!!

Me and some friends got high and went out. We found a fat looking rat and we picked him up. We played with him and made him dance. After we were done with him I threw him against a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ wall and he exploded. I love rats and I would never hurt one. Xanax made me throw a rat. So in his memory im gonna write a song called "splat rat" R.I.P. splat rat😔🕊 Update: I will share the song once its done

sorry for poor english I am russia

was playing online grand theft automobile when hit fellow video gamer car with my car. i exit auto mobile and attempt trading of insurance information when I am hit by pistol bullet. fellow gamer goes into my vehicular and driver car. I am to look inside of his vehicular transportation when i cannot find vehicle registration under his name. call local police officer but he is not help, he is say racism things at me (i am a white in real but I enjoy roleplay as africa). so if anyone sees car license 7EDT417 please use telephone and call me

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