I am a responsible home owner that most certainly not live within the walls of an unsuspecting host... anyways have you seen my overgrown gerbils Clide and Richard? They're really great company unless you're a child.. with arms or legs.. yep well okay, if you see them just uh let me know. Don't ask for my address, I'll just come to your house.. it's easier that way.

This guy is my neighbor and he definitely has a child locked in his basement. I hear her screams constantly... I can't call the police because he knows I have too many pets for my lease.

father pls help me i'm still locked in the basement and the rats have mutated they are bigger than me they're trying to tear my limbs off please let me come up just this once i promise i won't run away this time