"Don't take life too seriously, no-one gets out alive anyway" :p
"Stop worrying about the world ending today. It's already tomorrow in Australia".

"The most important thing in life is not knowing everything, it's having the phone number of somebody who does"!

Math is fun, it teaches you life and death information, like when you're cold, you should go to a corner since it's 90 degrees there".

"Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control".

"There are more important things in life than Facebook and Twitter,.. like watching TV, and having a beer".

"Growing up is amazing, until you get old"!

"You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can't possibly live long enough to make them all yourself".

"Cat life mice can foxes be wolves boring frogs but grasshopper let's swan love it cow anyhow. Now read it again without the animals".

"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain".

"Me: For the first time in life, things seem to be getting better. :) Life: LOL, give me a second"!

"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils".

"Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me".