When I was young I had a lover. She left me for someone with a better body.

Then as an adult I had a wife. But after 17 years of marriage, she admitted to me that she "just didn't feel a spark anymore" and filed for divorce.

As an older man, all I had to keep me company were the birds in my city. I woke up at 6 each morning to go to the park and feed bread crumbs to the pigeons. It wasn't much, but it still felt like I mattered to a few of the creatures on this earth.

But a couple weeks ago, the pigeons stopped coming to the park, and I don't know why. I guess I'll just be lonely.

I beat a child. He was just staring at me with his big, stupid face while I ate my delicious 8oz steak. His snot flapping in his nostrils and his eyes blinking out of sync infuriated me. The final straw was when he had the audacity to take a drink of his chocolate milk with his stupid idiot lips. I took my steak knife, which was stained with steak sauce and juices, and I stabbed him in the eyeball 98 times. I then proceeded to dumb an entire bottle of ketchup into his mouth as he screamed in pain. It gurgled with the force of a volcano. Finally, he stopped breathing altogether, and his mother called the police. When the police arrived, I used my half-eaten steak to beat them both to death, then I ran out, stripped off all my clothes, and ran naked through the local daycare, screaming “98 STAB WOUNDS” until I finally was apprehended by the authorities. I am facing 13 life sentences without parole.

I smoked 2 100x bowls and turned into my dad's Fleshlight and he ♥♥♥♥♥♥ me. How do I get over this??

alr i wont call u bro and my brain is not rot i can go to the hospital and prove you that my brain is not rotting

I can't believe the stupidity of this situation, but here we go.

My parents at home just told me my aunt is coming to stay a few days, and I have to spare my room for her to use. I'm usually pretty chill about this, but here's the thing: That aunt is a confirmed homosexual, yet shes coming here and my parents are okay with it...? WTF?

As to how exactly she's allowed to live: she's not. This is Illegal and dangerous but it seems i have no say on the matter... my only hope is to avoid getting turned into a homosexual. I need help, what should I do with a homosexual person in the house?

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