Black ink like goo drips from the ceiling and seeps through the seams in the walls, it's repulsive yet I find myself staring at it as if the substance is the most beautiful thing my eyes have gazed upon. Have I grown so complacent with my self-hatred that something so disgusting makes my heart leap with joy?

Music bounces off of the walls, it fills me with nostalgic memories but no matter how much I chase it I'm left with a growing emptiness, the longer I chase the joy of what once was the more the halls grow evermore.

I look out at the barren wasteland only to see a beautiful sunset, I stare at it and wonder if my beauty will ever compare to something so wonderful. The longer I stare at it the darker it gets until the suns radiant light fades into the abyss and all I'm left with is myself and this decrepit body I call a home.

I slide down against what once was my bedroom wall, my hands tremble with imperfection, cracks running from my fingertips to my palms. The skin on my body chips away as a chilling feeling envelops my soul, all I can do is wonder if you think I'm pretty on the outside while my body rots away from the inside.

Please my dear, don't ever take your fangs from me. The feeling of my blood trickling down as you feed on my heart intoxicates me like heroin, you infect me like a disease and I don't want any antibiotics, poison my well and let me drink from your glass without an antidote.

I laugh and it comes out as cries. I cry and it comes out as laughter. Why must my feelings betray me? Lies leak from my mouth, my silver tongue dancing with the devil's. Won't someone pull me from this toxic kiss I call a life?

Speaking into the mirror my reflection ignores me, I frown and it smiles. I smile and it frowns. Do I really enjoy all of this hurt? Or have the thorns embedded themselves so deep that all I know is pain.

My existence being acknowledged paints my weary heart with fear. The rampant and chaotic thoughts swirling like a tornado in my head, the fear of disappointing you makes my nerves burn as if they've been dipped into your eternal flames. Please pretend I'm not here, you'll only be greeted with despondency.

I engage in gluttony, despite the sickness I feel from the consumption I still eat and eat until there's nothing left. As I stare at my empty plate I look up at you, hoping that through it all, I still look the same despite the weight I've gained.