Neither Zuphitzuphretzi Izterhpuztihpuz, nor any associates thereof, are responsible for any fainting, rowdiness, death, severe physical or moral injury, as we merely make disclaimers, and disclaimers have no heart, mind, or soul of their own. Zuphitzuphretzi Izterhpuztihpuz nor any of his associates are responsible for any shunning, avoiding, hating, loving, wandering, confusion, world chaos, large amounts of ear hair, massive groups of protesters not admitting reality, the spread of any potato-borne illnesses, extreme exhaustion, great ideas, bad ideas, insanity, depression, rotten vegetables, long words like antidisestablishmentarianism, disestablishmentarianism, or establishmentarianism, muscle degeneration, cancers, political or other criminal acts, loss of interest in common things like video games, television, or cell phones. Disclaimers are long. Deal with it. It is not our fault if Webster defines you as an idiot or insensitive. We are not responsible for the loss of any household objects floating out of your house and growing wings or committing suicide by jumping into a black hole. Lawyer & Lawyer & Lawyer Disclaimer Company is also not responsible for any rips in space, time, or pants. Mr. Izterhpuztihpuz does not take responsibility for any decisions except those that involve the sudden appearance of millions of dollars in his Swiss bank account, and does not take responsibility if that money is gained illegally. Neither Zuphitzuphretzi Izterhpuztihpuz nor his associates thereof are responsible for alien invasions, if you are late to school, throwing up, inability to summarize, predict, infer, connect, question, sensually or conceptually image, do vocabulary, conclude, cite sources, present something, stay quiet, take notes, or read, nor is he responsible for pirates, sinking ships, pirates sinking ships, misinformation, death, if you think ISATs are just a good excuse to sit down, inefficiency, extreme weather, volcanic eruptions, if your legs are not long enough to reach the ground, or if your team does not win the World Series, the Superbowl, the Stanley Cup, or the World Banana Eating Competition. By reading this you agree to transfer all of your rights as a human to Zuphitzuphretzi. The rights you have left are similar to that of a panda. Actually, very similar: you're both on the endangered list now. Zuphitzuphretzi may lie at any time. He might also not lie. The fact that disclaimers are exorbitantly long is a standing example of their difficulty to create. Writers of disclaimers are born geniuses who are never, ever proud. This not-being-proud is usually an extreme strain on the life energy of a disclaimer writer, so he should most definitely be awarded a Congressional medal as well as a large sum of money. If your computer has a virus, oh well. If you don’t own a computer, I’m sure the Federal Government would be glad to get you one at the expense of the taxpayers. It's a real tragedy if a computer is smarter than you. But, consider your own mind: why did you think you were smarter than a computer in the first place? Should you grow any extra fingers or toes while on the premises of anywhere, we are not responsible for that either. We realize that all of our customers are stupid idiots, and think that they should be responsible for their actions if they decide to use any paper we give them as a chainsaw or lightsaber. Please notice that using paper as chainsaws or lightsabers can result in looking like a stupid idiot or death. We are not responsible for any failure to gain public office because of using our paper as chainsaws or lightsabers, because stupid idiots are usually elected and it would be that person’s fault if they could not look like enough of a stupid idiot to get elected. (Please notice that Rod R. Blagojevich tried to use our paper as a chainsaw and a lightsaber, but succeeded and did not look like as much of a stupid idiot as he could have so he was impeached.)