I've followed my dreams and became a full-time burrito.

I saw a nice astolfo yesterday.
You know where to find me.

do you really think you could take me in a 1v1? heh. not only do a I posses a vast arsenal of swords and knives, but I am also highly proficient in a number of martial arts such as Judo, jujutsu, aikido, krav maga, karate, kung fu, taekwondo, Iado, ninjutsu and muay thai. I am currently a 5th degree blackbelt and known for stifling opponents triple my size. in my dojo, I am revered as the highest of protégés. those who have had the privilege to spar with me have all praised me for my literacy in the craft. I try not to boast of course, as they are all well below my level. although, if I wanted, I could easily disable them all, permanently. so let me make it clear for you, kid. you got absolutely NO chance. N A D A. not even the slightest. now get out of my sight before you really make me mad.

sometimes I curl up in my backyard and pretend im a watermelon

It's a trap!

"I am slowly becoming retarded."

No, it's happened already.