the sex haver's POSTAL 2 Achievement Progress

R. Kelly's Protege

Pissed in someone's face until they puked from it.

Unlocked 22 Jan @ 7:24am

Duck Dynasty

Used a Bass Sniffer Radar.

Unlocked 28 Aug, 2019 @ 3:10am

Here, Wilfred

Gained your first dog helper.

Unlocked 2 Sep, 2019 @ 11:21am

Taxidermy with Chuck Testa

Used a cat to "accessorize" your gun.

Unlocked 28 Aug, 2019 @ 12:22pm

Someone's got a case of the Mondays!

Survived Monday.

Unlocked 29 Jul, 2015 @ 2:03am

C U Next Tuesday

Survived Tuesday.

Unlocked 27 Aug, 2019 @ 12:55pm

OMG, NEW MODERN FAMILY TONIGHT!

Survived Wednesday.

Unlocked 28 Aug, 2019 @ 12:24pm

It must be Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays

Survived Thursday.

Unlocked 4 Sep, 2019 @ 12:16pm

Workin' for the Weekend

Survived Friday.

Unlocked 11 Sep, 2019 @ 11:36am

Screw Bill Lumbergh!

Survived Saturday.

Unlocked 16 Sep, 2019 @ 11:38am

I swear, I thought it was a home fill

Exploded a nuclear bomb.

Unlocked 17 Sep, 2019 @ 1:56am

Do you even Enzyte, bro?

Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.

Unlocked 21 Jan @ 11:20pm

Hutton Gibson Can't Deny This!

Killed over 1,000 people.

Unlocked 17 Sep, 2019 @ 1:28am

And THAT'S why you never get out of the tree

Killed all of the book protestors in the library.

Unlocked 21 Jan @ 11:29pm

Sheriff Arpaio would be proud.

Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.

Unlocked 16 Sep, 2019 @ 11:35am

Can't Touch This

Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.

Unlocked 17 Sep, 2019 @ 1:24am

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!

Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.

Unlocked 22 Jan @ 6:46am

Fur Sure!

Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them.

Unlocked 24 Aug, 2017 @ 1:49am

It's not cheating, because it's YOUR dog

Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head.

Unlocked 2 Sep, 2019 @ 11:21am

Where's Mr. McGibblets?

Gave Krotchy the bad touch.

Unlocked 22 Jan @ 6:46am

Finkle IS Einhorn!

Gave a kickoff to a severed head.

Unlocked 24 Aug, 2017 @ 1:50am

Shiva Blast

"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow.

Unlocked 22 Jan @ 8:31am

Friend of Dorothy

Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.

Unlocked 22 Jan @ 6:30am

Officer McLovin'

Asked a police officer to sign your petition.

Unlocked 29 Jul, 2015 @ 2:06am

Well, aren't YOU a badass

Kicked open a door.

Unlocked 29 Jul, 2015 @ 1:28am

I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you

Put out someone that's on fire.

Unlocked 29 Jul, 2015 @ 1:53am

Chuck Norris'd!

Killed someone with a flying jump kick.

Unlocked 23 Jan @ 12:01pm

John Rambo'd!

Made a very long killing spree.

Unlocked 16 Sep, 2019 @ 11:35am

Thanks for the money!

Finished all seven days.

Unlocked 17 Sep, 2019 @ 1:58am

I'm not even supposed to be here today!

Waited 13 real world years to see an in-game Easter egg. Thanks for sticking with us!

Unlocked 24 Aug, 2017 @ 2:28am

Chapelle's Show

Lured a police officer with a piss-soaked donut.

Michonne ain't got nothin' on me

Resurrected a zombie corpse for your own nefarious purposes.

Cesar Millan is Very Happy

Mauled 30 people with your dog.

3 / 30

OMG, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE...sale

Roasted 30 people with fire.

14 / 30

Rebecca Black's Nightmare

Totaled 30 cars.

14 / 30

Hello, Newman

Kicked 30 dogs.

1 / 30

Darth Maul'd!

Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe.

2 / 30

Reddit would be proud.

Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time.

Pussy on a Pedestal

Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.

0 / 10

I swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace

Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit.

8 / 10

Uncle T-Bag

Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell.

Running With Scissors

Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.

10 / 30

Lieberman is our Leader!

Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.

Fear and Loathing

Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session.

Señor Cornballer

Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer's uniform.

0 / 30

Rick Grimes 4 Life

Made 30 zombies lose their heads.

19 / 30

Anustart!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.

40 Year Old Virgin

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

CAN YOU DIG IT?!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)

Planet of the Apes: The Musical

Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.

Scientology Level: OT VIII

Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.

Anger Management With Roger Clemens

Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer.

Don't taze me, bro!

Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer's uniform.

0 / 20

I Am Legend

Committed suicide... the Taliban way.

I should buy a boat

Read the newspaper every day.

Paid the Piper

Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest.

It's sterile and I like the taste

Sucked down your own piss.

It's OK, we got Greenlit anyway

Killed someone who refused to sign your petition.

FAB-U-LOUS!

Wore all three outfits.

I don't need virgins for this

Suicide-bombed a Taliban member.

A-Rod Who?

Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel.

Door Mat

Severed all of somebody's limbs without killing them.

One time, at band camp...

Saved the marching band from explody death.

GABAGOOOOOL!

Reunited with an old friend.

Holocaust: Part Deux

Reunited with an old enemy.

Rain on your Wedding Day

Reunited with an old flame.

Watchu' Talkin' 'Bout Muhammad

Reunited with a former child star and an infamous terrorist leader.

Better than POSTAL III

Rescued your loyal companion.

My Name is Jesus

Completed Paradise Lost with no kills.

Harder than r/gonewild

Completed Paradise Lost on POSTAL difficulty.

Adderall4All

Completed Paradise Lost with a total play time of 1:45:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

Rich on Reddit

Sold 30 cats at the Cash 4 Cats vendors.

0 / 30

BioShocked

Spent $2000 on vending machines.

0 / 5,000

Gettin DP'd

Made 30 kills while dual-wielding.

0 / 30