What's that? You wrote a computer program? Made a little website? You uploaded some videos to Youtube? Well, let me take this opportunity to congratulate you. The monkey learned a trick. Look at you, uploading comments. You're already spewing your vile filth all over the computer, huh? Congratulations! You must have an IQ in the double digits! Here's a little piece of advice. The next time you're gonna unload your jealousies and inadequacies online, here's a little piece of advice. Here's a little piece of advice, slick. Next time you're gonna go on the computer (mommy and daddy bought you a new computer!), you're going to unload your jealousy and inadequacies on somebody else, on a stranger? Just make sure you don't pick Goober, the son of the Papa Goober's Pizza empire. I've bought people like you. I've destroyed people like you. It's nothing for me to call up my father, and have every pizza jockey in the nation have a photo of you, right above their oven. Thinking about you, my personal army of pizza makers. They'll put sauce on you. They'll lay you out. Swing you around in the air just like in the old movies.

Then they'll destroy you. Piece by piece. Piece by delicious piece. Cheesy piece by cheesy crusty piece. They'll destroy you.

That's option one. Option two is you can apologize to me. Just say you're sorry. Takes a big man to apologize, don't it? Humble yourself before a god, a pizza god? Anyway. That's about it. Go fug yourself.