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69 of 89 (78%) achievements earned:
Personal Achievements
 

R. Kelly's Protege

Pissed in someone's face until they puked from it.
Unlocked 7 Feb, 2019 @ 12:15pm

Duck Dynasty

Used a Bass Sniffer Radar.
Unlocked 7 Feb, 2019 @ 12:15pm

Here, Wilfred

Gained your first dog helper.
Unlocked 7 Feb, 2019 @ 12:15pm

Chapelle's Show

Lured a police officer with a piss-soaked donut.
Unlocked 3 Sep, 2022 @ 2:36am

Taxidermy with Chuck Testa

Used a cat to "accessorize" your gun.
Unlocked 7 Feb, 2019 @ 12:15pm

Someone's got a case of the Mondays!

Survived Monday.
Unlocked 7 Feb, 2019 @ 12:15pm

C U Next Tuesday

Survived Tuesday.
Unlocked 7 Feb, 2019 @ 12:15pm

OMG, NEW MODERN FAMILY TONIGHT!

Survived Wednesday.
Unlocked 7 Feb, 2019 @ 12:15pm

It must be Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays

Survived Thursday.
Unlocked 7 Feb, 2019 @ 12:15pm

Workin' for the Weekend

Survived Friday.
Unlocked 7 Feb, 2019 @ 12:15pm

Screw Bill Lumbergh!

Survived Saturday.
Unlocked 7 Feb, 2019 @ 12:15pm

I swear, I thought it was a home fill

Exploded a nuclear bomb.
Unlocked 7 Feb, 2019 @ 12:15pm

OMG, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE...sale

Roasted 30 people with fire.
Unlocked 7 Feb, 2019 @ 12:15pm

Rebecca Black's Nightmare

Totaled 30 cars.
Unlocked 27 Jun, 2019 @ 8:09pm

Hello, Newman

Kicked 30 dogs.
Unlocked 1 Jul, 2019 @ 9:22am

Darth Maul'd!

Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe.
Unlocked 7 Feb, 2019 @ 12:15pm

Reddit would be proud.

Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time.
Unlocked 2 Jul, 2019 @ 3:36pm

Pussy on a Pedestal

Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.
Unlocked 4 Sep, 2022 @ 10:13pm

I swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace

Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit.
Unlocked 7 Feb, 2019 @ 12:15pm

Uncle T-Bag

Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell.
Unlocked 5 Sep, 2022 @ 8:18am

Do you even Enzyte, bro?

Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.
Unlocked 7 Feb, 2019 @ 12:15pm

Running With Scissors

Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.
Unlocked 26 Oct, 2019 @ 10:45pm

Hutton Gibson Can't Deny This!

Killed over 1,000 people.
Unlocked 7 Feb, 2019 @ 12:15pm

And THAT'S why you never get out of the tree

Killed all of the book protestors in the library.
Unlocked 7 Feb, 2019 @ 12:15pm

Lieberman is our Leader!

Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.
Unlocked 27 Jun, 2019 @ 7:15pm

Sheriff Arpaio would be proud.

Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.
Unlocked 7 Feb, 2019 @ 12:15pm

Can't Touch This

Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.
Unlocked 7 Feb, 2019 @ 12:15pm

Señor Cornballer

Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer's uniform.
Unlocked 4 Apr, 2019 @ 12:21pm

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!

Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.
Unlocked 7 Feb, 2019 @ 12:15pm

Rick Grimes 4 Life

Made 30 zombies lose their heads.
Unlocked 7 Feb, 2019 @ 12:15pm

Anustart!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.
Unlocked 3 Sep, 2022 @ 4:05am

40 Year Old Virgin

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)
Unlocked 3 Sep, 2022 @ 4:05am

CAN YOU DIG IT?!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)
Unlocked 4 Sep, 2022 @ 12:35am

Planet of the Apes: The Musical

Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.
Unlocked 26 Oct, 2019 @ 8:39am

Fur Sure!

Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them.
Unlocked 4 Apr, 2019 @ 8:45am

It's not cheating, because it's YOUR dog

Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head.
Unlocked 7 Feb, 2019 @ 12:15pm

Where's Mr. McGibblets?

Gave Krotchy the bad touch.
Unlocked 7 Feb, 2019 @ 12:15pm

Finkle IS Einhorn!

Gave a kickoff to a severed head.
Unlocked 7 Feb, 2019 @ 12:15pm

Anger Management With Roger Clemens

Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer.
Unlocked 1 Jul, 2019 @ 9:34am

Shiva Blast

"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow.
Unlocked 7 Feb, 2019 @ 12:15pm

Don't taze me, bro!

Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer's uniform.
Unlocked 29 Jun, 2019 @ 7:02pm

I Am Legend

Committed suicide... the Taliban way.
Unlocked 27 Jun, 2019 @ 7:23pm

I should buy a boat

Read the newspaper every day.
Unlocked 3 Sep, 2022 @ 11:57pm

Friend of Dorothy

Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.
Unlocked 7 Feb, 2019 @ 12:15pm

Officer McLovin'

Asked a police officer to sign your petition.
Unlocked 7 Feb, 2019 @ 12:15pm

Paid the Piper

Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest.
Unlocked 27 Jun, 2019 @ 7:35pm

Well, aren't YOU a badass

Kicked open a door.
Unlocked 7 Feb, 2019 @ 12:15pm

I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you

Put out someone that's on fire.
Unlocked 7 Feb, 2019 @ 12:15pm

It's sterile and I like the taste

Sucked down your own piss.
Unlocked 7 Feb, 2019 @ 12:15pm

It's OK, we got Greenlit anyway

Killed someone who refused to sign your petition.
Unlocked 7 Feb, 2019 @ 12:15pm

FAB-U-LOUS!

Wore all three outfits.
Unlocked 7 Feb, 2019 @ 12:15pm

I don't need virgins for this

Suicide-bombed a Taliban member.
Unlocked 7 Feb, 2019 @ 12:15pm

A-Rod Who?

Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel.
Unlocked 4 Sep, 2022 @ 12:24am

Door Mat

Severed all of somebody's limbs without killing them.
Unlocked 7 Feb, 2019 @ 12:15pm

Chuck Norris'd!

Killed someone with a flying jump kick.
Unlocked 27 Jun, 2019 @ 6:29pm

One time, at band camp...

Saved the marching band from explody death.
Unlocked 27 Jun, 2019 @ 7:27pm

There's always money in the banana stand

Found the secret bank exit on Monday.
Unlocked 27 Oct, 2021 @ 4:58pm

Found 'em faster than GWB

Discovered the hidden Taliban base.
Unlocked 7 Sep, 2022 @ 12:40am

Gotta pay the Troll Toll

Found one of the hidden underground sewers.
Unlocked 7 Feb, 2019 @ 12:15pm

John Rambo'd!

Made a very long killing spree.
Unlocked 7 Feb, 2019 @ 12:15pm

You are not alone

Observed an NPC going POSTAL!
Unlocked 7 Feb, 2019 @ 12:15pm

Thanks for the money!

Finished all seven days.
Unlocked 26 Oct, 2019 @ 8:39am

GABAGOOOOOL!

Reunited with an old friend.
Unlocked 7 Feb, 2019 @ 12:15pm

Holocaust: Part Deux

Reunited with an old enemy.
Unlocked 7 Feb, 2019 @ 12:15pm

Watchu' Talkin' 'Bout Muhammad

Reunited with a former child star and an infamous terrorist leader.
Unlocked 19 Mar, 2019 @ 12:30pm

Ginger Mint

Killed Zack Ward.
Unlocked 7 Feb, 2019 @ 12:15pm

Gettin DP'd

Made 30 kills while dual-wielding.
Unlocked 19 Mar, 2019 @ 12:30pm

RAFIBOMB!!!

Kicked 10 people in the balls.
Unlocked 4 Sep, 2022 @ 10:36pm

I'm not even supposed to be here today!

Waited 13 real world years to see an in-game Easter egg. Thanks for sticking with us!
Unlocked 4 Sep, 2022 @ 9:39pm



Michonne ain't got nothin' on me

Resurrected a zombie corpse for your own nefarious purposes.

Cesar Millan is Very Happy

Mauled 30 people with your dog.
11 / 30

Fear and Loathing

Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session.

Scientology Level: OT VIII

Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.

Rain on your Wedding Day

Reunited with an old flame.

Better than POSTAL III

Rescued your loyal companion.

My Name is Jesus

Completed Paradise Lost with no kills.

Harder than r/gonewild

Completed Paradise Lost on POSTAL difficulty.

Adderall4All

Completed Paradise Lost with a total play time of 1:45:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

Rich on Reddit

Sold 30 cats at the Cash 4 Cats vendors.
2 / 30

BioShocked

Spent $2000 on vending machines.
820 / 5,000

You Snow Nothing John Blow

Peed on all of the snowmen in the Nuclear Winter zone.
+8

8 hidden achievements remaining

Details for each achievement will be revealed once unlocked