Shaquille looked at the notes with a heart as heavy as the basketball court upon which he stood. There were over seventy now, and that number was sure to rise. But he was nothing if he was not loyal to his fans.

He looked at his hands. More specifically, he looked at Tumblr user slayboybunny, who was curled around her laptop and resting in his hands. He shifted his gaze to across the court, where he had replaced the standard basketball hoop with a horrible, rumbling abyss. He thought about how difficult it had been to wrestle that abyss from the depths of hell. He thought about how much he had learned. He thought about how much he had lost.

Never mind that, he thought. It is all worth it, he thought again. This is a higher purpose.

Shaq took off across the court, carful not to jostle the resting ball body in his hands. He held the Tumblr user above his head as if she were the child cub Simba. Just as he was about to dunk her through the gaping maw of the endless abyss, he whispered his last request into her ear.