Recent reviews by weenie butt jr

Ark: Survival Ascended – More Like Ark: Scam Simulator

Let me make this crystal clear: DO. NOT. BUY. THIS. GAME. Ark: Survival Ascended is a flaming pile of prehistoric trash smeared with lies and false promises. My friend and I bought this monstrosity thinking we’d explore, tame dinosaurs, and have some fun. Instead, we got a masterclass in how to destroy friendship and hope. You CANNOT play with your friend. At all. Multiplayer doesn’t work unless you sacrifice a goat and rewrite the laws of quantum physics. We tried every fix, every port forward, every voodoo ritual Reddit recommended and still NOTHING. We sat in silence staring at the server list like idiots while the devs roll in their yacht-shaped piles of cash. Fun fact: my friend once wrestled a raccoon in his backyard. He survived that. He did not survive this game.