Recent reviews by Shelly

Being the schmuck I am, I was lured in by the lovely graphics, gorgeous romanceables, and promise of a cozy farming/living sim. I've played Harvest Moon/Story of Seasons since Harvest Moon GB 2-ish, so I figured shelling out $50 would be worthwhile.

I was wrong.

- I said great graphics, right? Right.
- Stunning romanceables (most of them).
- Farm tools are automatic!
- Fast travel.
- Incredible variety of seeds and crop mutations. Always a delight to see something wacky growing in my field.
- Adorable animals to tame and care for.
- Tons of items to find and discover.

- First 4-5 hours are an exercise in absolute tedium until you unlock fast travel and/or a mount. Traveling to the neighboring town and gathering/foraging deeply suck.
- The world map is ridiculously large and spacious, making the above point even more painful.
- ♥♥♥♥ those ledges.
- Stamina mechanics are dumb, especially in the decision to require stamina for walking.
- Crops and cooking are worthless, other than for turn-in quests. What's the point of farming if catching one 2* fish is worth more than the yield of my entire field? Did I end up playing Legend of the River King instead?
- Raising animals and selling their produce put you at a loss. Example: Chickens produce eggs every 2-3 days. Eggs sell for 55g. Animal Feed costs 50g each. You lose 45-95g every cycle. Turning Grass to Animal Feed isn't a viable solution either since it takes FOUR days to grow and you get just ONE Grass per tile and ONE Feed per Grass. So then, you're like, "Why not just graze them outside, Shelly?!" This leads us to...
- Animal grazing/feeding mechanics are extra ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ stupid. Even though the very definition "grazing" involves eating, your farm animals won't. They'll starve outside while standing on top of a vast plain of grass and then automatically go inside the barn at 9 PM to full animal feed bins—except they won't eat even then since they've fallen asleep.
- Lazy townsfolk design. You know how in Stardew Valley, Potion Permit, Roots of Pacha, Kynseed, and 20 other farming sims (indie and big studio alike), the townsfolk have their own lives, schedules, personalities, and even beds? Yeah, don't expect that here.
- The few NPCs who do wander about outside like to stand outside in storms and act like nothing is wrong.
- Helping an NPC build their Flower/General/Etc Shop doesn't necessarily mean they'll be open for business. They might just stand there behind the counter saying the same line for a week until you bring another NPC grass or something. Eat a ♥♥♥♥, Nemo.
- Dumb storage UI design. Items have descriptions in your bag but not your storage box. Want to know how long it takes to grow a crop before the season is over in Breezy Plains? Yeah, well, ♥♥♥♥ you.
- Farming controls suck. The game is incredibly finicky when repeat hoeing/watering your fields, and don't even think about trying to go back for a space you missed.
- The falling rocks mechanic in the mines was fine the first few times, but does it really need to trigger 5x times on one stone boulder blocking my path?
- Unexplained game mechanics. Crops have optimal growing seasons/locations indicated as icons by their name, but literally no one in the world can confirm what those icons exaclty mean.
- Last but not least, game days are ridiculously short. To be exact, they're 10 minutes IRL.
Want a comparison with other games? Stardew Valley: 14 mins. Roots of Pacha: 15 mins. Rune Factory 4/5: 20 to 30 mins (depending on when you sleep). Potion Permit: 20 mins.

Playing Winds of Anthos is rage-inducing. I want to like it, but I keep encountering some other ridiculous design flaw that made me wonder if the devs even set out to make a fun game at all.

If you must get it, wait and buy the game at a deep discount.

I give you things you want, and then you turn on me?

Little ungrateful bastards.

This game terrifies me.

If I launch it, I know that the next time I'll leave my computer will be around the same time the birds start chirping the day after.

A must-have for your couch co-op sessions. Overcooked is one of those games that appeals to just about everyone -- chicks, dudes, gamers, non-gamers, old, and young.

Just try not to scream at the lil' ones too much. Cooking can be hazardous with friends.

An excellent local and online co-op game, Rampage Knights scratches that itch to beat up your friends and enemies indiscriminately. Except your friend only dies if you knock them into a pit. Or under a strategically positioned Mighty Foot curse that smashes them into the ground. Or walk into your bomb. Or knocked down by your ghost after they killed you.

Regardless, the randomized dungeons, traps, curses, and loot add a perfect amount of variety to ensure at least a few fun run-throughs. The combat isn't just brainless button mashing, especially with its different mobs, bosses, and curses (hi, Mighty Foot!) out to get you. Oh, and of course, your friend on occasion.

With its silly, gory, and explodey panache, Rampage Knights is definitely worth the price tag on sale or not.