Recent reviews by based

I walked into a bar trying to sell some weapons and buy some food.

Ended up having sex with a robot.

10/10.

Started the game. Not even 2 minutes into the game and I'm already hit in the face with giant boobs at the main menu.

10/10 boob simulator

Walked into a bar.
Guy sitting there insulted me.
Turned into a werewolf and ripped off his arm.

10/10 gud gaem worth $ u pey 4 it.

My definition of a strategy game isn't a turn-based game, but a real-time strategy like LOTR: Battle for Middle Earth or Command & Conquer. I have spent months of playing strategy games in my time, and I never did come to like Civilization or games like that.

XCOM: Enemy Unknown is an exception. The dynamics, the cinematics, everything about the game is great. The gameplay was very detailed and good for a turn-based strategy game. The story was okay, but what made it the most fun were the soldiers you commanded during the entire alien invasion. All the soldiers you receive are randomly generated, yes. But you can customize them to how you want, and I did just that. I didn't lose a single soldier the entire game, and I kind of bonded with 8 soldiers of mine that I would switch in and out depending on if any suffered injuries. Regardless, I ranked them up to the highest rank a soldier could receive and I really cared about their survival. Once you spend all that time ensuring they do the most amount of damage, surviving any damage, and tailoring them to how you want them to look, you bond with your soldiers.

I got this game when it was on sale and only because it was on sale. I really wish I looked into this game earlier. I recommend you get this game as soon as possible and have yourself a great experience. This game is well worth its fee.

The Bureau: XCOM Declassified on the other hand....well.....I got it for a dollar as part of a sale...don't buy that game.

This game is all character development. If you think there's going to be a lot of action, you're wrong. The gem of this post-apocalyptic wasteland is the time you spend bonding or identifying with the characters. The story moves forward and forward, and only one thing remains constant in this game; Lee and Clementine's bond. Above all else, think about Clementine, because Lee is there with his manly soothing voice.

In all seriousness, the game is GREAT. A lot of solving puzzles, defusing situations, and learning how each person stands in a situation. There are only a few hard choices compared to the second season, but assuming you choose the right choices, this ride of a game will take you from neutrality to empathy, to sadness, and then just misery. You're going to be flat-out bawling like I did when I finished this. The 400 Days Expansion is also worth its money, because it too affects the second season and any person that plays this game and finishes will crave more anyhow. This game is well done by TellTale, and always remember:

Duck is a detective.

So far, since I'm writing this in Episode 2 of the second season, the game is GREAT. Starting out the first episode, only some parts are affected by your choices in season one. You can kind of predict which choices are the best for optimal experience. But in this second episode, I've had to restart multiple times, and found myself at choices where I couldn't make a choice because they weren't so black and white. And this is ONLY the second episode. There are 3 more probably, and they're going to be even more demanding in terms of choices.

You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll ♥♥♥♥ your pants; this game is a GREAT successor to the predecessor, which was a masterpiece. Fingers crossed that you made choices you wanted to, because ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, the choices in this game are even harder to make than those in the first season. Good luck, have fun, and this game is worth the money.

Once upon a time in the mahou shoujo land of Animeland-Japan, there was this baka. And that baka liked this typical retarded hair color-girl. She was moderately kawaii. But only a little bit. Okay maybe more. But just a little.

ANYWAY, then he got this choice. Because their (the baka and the Barney the Dinosaur-girl) blonde best friend that is too kawaii, gonna make you die, is falling in kokoro go doki doki with the baka, the baka has TWO CHOICES. AND ONLY TWO. Either he has a typical moe moe maid highschool rom-com kokoro go doki doki time....OR BE A MAHOU SHOUJO IRL but in a visual novel.

The choice is yours. Be the sugoi mahou shoujo boy-o or have a kokoro go doki doki poi poi uguu time.

Protip: Stop being a baka. Senpai ain't noticing you ♥♥♥♥♥.

If you thoroughly enjoyed the gameplay elements and the panic-inducing atmosphere of the first game, Dark Descent, do not buy this game.

The gameplay has been dumbed down and streamlined so that any child could jump into the game, beat it, and say they were not scared at any parts:

1.Enemies are a joke, they are giant pigs on two feet
-you're more likely to laugh at the fact that the devs thought these were scary
2. Inventory system is removed
-everything is handed to you on a silver plate
3. Lantern does not die out
-you are also more than likely not going to need the lantern for the well lit environment you are in
4. Health regenerates
-can I hear you say Call of Duty?
5. Most importantly of all, there is no Sanity Meter.
-take as many screenshots of the pig monsters as you want, you get no penalties

There is one good thing in all of this pig slop they call a game: the soundtrack.

The soundtrack was very good and the ending soundtrack was honestly really well done that I could almost give the game a pass just for that alone. But I won't.

You're going to run through this game in under 4 hours most likely, unless you stop to look for collectibles and take in the atmosphere and go for a 2nd speed run playthrough like I did, then you'll be getting 7-9 hours of gameplay. Comparing this to the original and the fact that this is using the same brand name, Amnesia, the developers are robbing you of your money if you pay full price for this game.

Unless it is on sale for 5 dollars or less, save your money for a better game. This is more of a walking narrative than a survival horror.

3/10.