Recent reviews by thejadefalcon

Edited review: I might come back to it in the future to share my proper thoughts on how awesome this game is, but that takes effort. For now, non-PSN countries are still locked out but I believe that fix is already on its way. The original review is as follows but only the first sentence really matters right now:

The game itself, fantastic, 10/10, it's the Starship Troopers game I've always wanted.

Sony, however, is once again proving their "for the players" slogan is nonsense as they pull yet another anti-consumer move. Players should not be locked out of the game they bought for arbitrary reasons with zero benefit being granted to anyone. All the excuses such as "use a VPN" do not work and get your account banned. Arrowhead is a fantastic dev shackled to a useless, greedy publisher.

This review will be edited accordingly when Sony gets their stuff together and stops being scummy.

Yes. Just yes.

Moist.

Nominated for the "Labour of Love" award for the 2018 Steam Awards. Clearly a franchise this well supported will continue forever.

Well, this game started off feeling very low-budget and not in the good way, but that was the high point of my experience with it. The platforming is mediocre at best. Half of the time, it can be difficult to see what exactly is dangerous and what isn't, something that's immediately obvious from the first level where you, the so-called Prince of Hell, walk through flames without harm, except for those ones, which look virtually identical, especially in Hell which is composed of fire. Those flames will damage you, except for the ones that don't, got that? The story seems to start halfway through, like I missed a few levels or something, but no, it's just bad writing, the one consistent thing throughout the entire game. The jokes barely raised more than a weak smile at their best, which is rare. Landing a jump can be about as pixel perfect at times as Super Meat Boy, which would be okay a) you didn't slide everywhere like the ground was made of ice and b) if the levels weren't cluttered with useless junk as, unlike SMB's clean visuals, the cartoonish graphics throw everything but the kitchen sink into the background, foreground, every ledge, every trap.

Speaking of SMB, let's talk about respawning. How fast could you respawn in SMB? Instantly. Do you know why? Because a game in which you die that amount would get infinitely frustrating if you had to wait even a second to keep playing. Now, Hell Yeah is a game in which you can be stunlocked and die in just a few seconds as punishment for missing one of those pixel perfect landings or making a small error with it's clunky feeling controls. How long does it take to respawn? Well, the boss that made me just quit the game killed me in a method that took about five seconds before I actually died (I can't move or do anything during this period of time), another second or two for the death screen, another three seconds to respawn and then made me rewatch the boss's unskippable introduction cutscene. This happens every time. And because of the previous platforming issues, I have died quite a number of times on this boss.

A previous boss required me to kill it with its own trap. Except how you do that is such a screwup of game design, I actually went into the next area searching for a way to kill it, killed an entirely different boss which was so painfully simple (make it run into a wall) and then had to go back to kill the first one. The way back was guarded by spotlights which signalled another unavoidable, stupidly long death. They were easy to avoid on the way down, but the way back up was hampered by the awful controls and the fact that these spotlights haven't even got any form of pattern to them. One of them literally stopped and zigzagged across the tiny platform I needed to get to for over half a minute. When it got off, I immediately jumped up, only to find the spotlight suddenly rush back to see me and I die. Again. And respawn at the bottom. Again. When I finally got back to the boss, I found how you were meant to kill it and immediately found another checkpoint (the one thing this game mostly gets right) so I didn't have to climb up the tower of doom again. I jump up to the trap to set it off and have it track me to target the boss. I mess up, die, that's fine, my bad. I start again, jump up... and immediately die to the trap because, for no reason whatsoever, it's set up in a different way this time. It pointed in a random direction every time I respawned, half of which were instant death because of the stunlock meaning I get thrown immediately into another source of heavy damage.

The writing is boring, with no reason for anything other than your Facebook pictures got leaked or something, I feel like all of my motive was in a prequel game to this (if there is one, I'm not actually aware of it). The jokes lack any punchline half the time beyond "lol, the skeleton rabbit is naked, isn't this amusing? Why aren't you laughing? Maybe I'll tell it again three more times, that should get a laugh!" Everything wants to kill you for some reason, except the times they don't but you want to kill them for some reason. When (if) you do kill a boss, you get "rewarded" with a minigame, which are either stupidly simple, annoyingly finnicky, QTEs or simple "mash this button until you get RSI!". At first I was okay with it as it looked like each boss got its own unique game, but when they started repeating, my interest dropped further.

Do not buy this game. It's not worth £9.99 ($14.99), it's not even worth picking up on a sale. Wait until it's in a bundle with some more interesting games.

Well, it did the job it said it would do, so if you're looking for that, it's recommended. Good job, Capcom, pat yourself on the back. Lowest FPS was 28 on max settings at 1920x1080 and that was in a very busy area. It more generally hovered between 65 and 80 FPS and my rig got an S rank.

That said, what this does isn't worth the couple of minutes it took to "play." There's nothing convincing you to buy the game, only a few movies that are basically yet more teaser trailers for the game (and a few actual trailers as extras, that make the gameplay look really, really bad and the people playing it even worse). I know I can run it on this PC now, that's good. But why should I run it on my PC? That's something this benchmark tool can't tell me, because it has no gameplay, no interactivity of any kind, just ten minutes of cutscene you can walk away from. A demo would have told me how well the game could run, would have told me what the gameplay was like, would have told me what the control scheme was like, if I could customise it to suit my tastes, all these things and more. What does the benchmark tool tell me? That I have an S rank. Good job, Capcom, pat yourself on the back.

To not include a demo tells me you have no confidence that your game can stand up to anything except looking pretty (something which a lot of reviews for the game backed up long ago). My money will go to Resident Evil: Revelations long before RE6, thanks to the demo Revelations gives you, one that convinced me that it was worth my time to give it a more in-depth play.