After calming me down with some orange slices and some fetal spooning. E.T. revealed to me his singular purpose.
He said, "You are the chosen one. The one who will deliver the message. A message of hope for those who wish to hear it, and a warning to those who do not."
I said, "Me? The Chose One?! They chose ME?! I haven't even graduated from ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ high school."