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it wood

The following message is transmitted at the request of the United States Department of Defense. This is not a test. Today at 4:16 p.m. Mountain time a state of emergency was declared by the president of the United States. An unknown hostile force was declared present at the Black Mesa research facility and several other locations in the surrounding areas of Black Mesa, New Mexico. As of 5:42 p.m. Mountain time the president has issued executive orders to withdraw all ground forces and began immediate airstrikes over the Black Mesa research facility and surrounding areas beginning no later than 6:42 p.m. this evening.

For your own safety an immediate evacuation order has been issued to the entire state of New Mexico. To all residents of New Mexico and surrounding areas leave all your personal belongings take a battery powered radio and only essential supplies with you. Do not remain in your homes. Seek shelter at your nearest militarized zone outside the state of New Mexico and await further instructions. If you can not find your nearest evacuation route seek assistance from local authorities immediately. If you have military training, firearms training, or any similar weapons training contact your nearest military officer immediately. Stay tuned to frequencies 7:40 a.m. for further updates on this emergency.

Superskish

Own weapons of mass destruction for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my Gadsden flag and the nuclear codes. Poison the first man with anthrax, he's dead on the spot. Fire my ICBM on the second man, miss him entirely because it's Korean and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the gas canisters at the top of the stairs filled with mustard gas, "Tally ho lads" the mustard gas melts the two men’s skin, the smell and extra fog set off fire alarms. Press the red button and nuke the last terrified rapscallion. He disintegrates as the entire neighborhood gets engulfed in the atomic blast. Just as the founding fathers intended.