*jaw drops to floor, eyes pop out of sockets accompanied by trumpets, heart beats out of chest, awooga awooga sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, rattling any plates, bowls or silverware, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens tie, combs hair* hello

If Karl Marx the Spot... what is Karl pointing to?

Why u gotta betray me liek dis

Lets Go

Every morning I wake up and open palm slam a vhs into the slot. It's Chronicles of Riddick, and right then and there I do the moves alongside the main character, Riddick. I do every move, and I do every move hard, making wooshing sounds while I slam down some necro-BASTARDS, or even when I mess up technique. Not many can say they can escape the galaxy's most dangerous prison. I can. I say it, and I say it out loud everyday to people in my college class, and all they do is prove that people in college class can still be immature jerks. And I've learned all the lines, and I've learned how to make myself in my apartment less lonely by shouting them all. Two hours including wind-down every morning. Then I lift

tier 4 (cheesy, barely acceptable): [insert name] Jr., dong, junk, knob, prick, rod, tool, wand, wood

tier 5 (ridiculous, unacceptable, pls don’t): anything to do with beer cans, baby-maker, bishop, choad, donger, dragon, ♥♥♥♥ wand, fun stick, hog, johnson, jimmy, lap rocket, little [insert name], love muscle/rod/stick, meat stick, one-eyed [anything], piston, private eye, schlong, trouser snake, wiener, winkie

tier 6 (you’re literally a fourth grader): baby arm, baloney pony, beaver basher, beef whistle, custard launcher, dude piston, flesh flute, heat-seeking moisture missile, krull the warrior king, luigi, mayo shooting hotdog gun, meter long king kong dong, pig skin bus, piss weasle, purple-headed yogurt flinger, purple-helmeted warrior of love, schlong dongadoodle, single barreled pump action bollock, spawn hammer, steamin’ semen truck, tan banana, thundersword, wang doodle, whoopie stick, wing wang doodle, yogurt shotgun