Merry ⛄️🌟 Christmas Babe 🔥 I hope 🙏🏼👏🏼 Santa comes 💦😩 to visit you 👟and give 👍🏼 you a package 📦💌💦. Hope you were a 😇 good girl 😛 this year instead of the😽 usual 😼 naughty 🙄 girl 💦🍑👅😫🔥. Santa is ✊🏻 coming 💧tonight 🎅🏿🎅🏻😏 and he's gonna 😍😘 stuff your stocking 😝👌🏽 with goodies 💄👙👗 tonight this 🎄Christmas 🎄night ❄️⛄️☃🌨💫. Santa 🎅🏻 is gonna 💪🏼✊🏻squeeze 🖖🏻down ur 👧🏽 😰 narrow 😍chimney 🏡🏠 and show you that you've been a very👸🏽 naughty 😏😝 girl. Inspect 🕵🔎 that 🍑 sweet 💦 ass🍑 😍 Santa 🎅🏻 is cumin😻 to town 🏡🏠🏤 the clock 🕐 is ticking 🙄 be ready 😏🍆 Santa is cumin down⬇️ your👌🏽😍 chimney🖖🏻👅 tonight 😮and he's gonna ♥♥♥ in that chimney 🤐😰💦💧 of yours. 🎅🏻SANTA🎅🏻 🎄🎄SLEIGH😩💦👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

I physically cannot stop myself from saying "bruh" whenever i react to anything. What was originally a rather humorous saying has evolved to now an impulsive, uncontrollable behavior that consumes me whenever i have to react to something.
From "holy crap" and omg to "bruh" all that is said now is "bruh moment".
"bruh moment" this "bruh moment".
my family died. bruh moment.
im having the time of my life. bruh moment.
i just wanted to be cool and say something original. bruh moment.
little did i know the horrors that came from bruh moment.
im doomed. bruh moment.
this phrase has gotten the best of me. its over for me. bruh moment.
bruh sound effect.
b r u h m o m e n t.
bruh.

https://pics.me.me/how-do-you-manage-pain-exe-cise-yoga-tylenol-ibuprofen-alcohol-accupuncture-massage-37692706.png

Good times, love ya bro (no ♥♥♥♥)

I'm not really fussy to be honest. I mean, I only drink the finest dark roasted Kopi Luwak coffee beans collected from the feces of wild civets, by poor Vietnamese children. But don't you dare even think of adding sugar or milk when consuming such a delicacy.

I need a cafe that uses broken wooden crates for chairs, has graffiti all over the walls, and my barista has to have a minimum of 40 tattoos of various tribal languages, and at least one modern outline tattoo with basic geometric shapes connecting haphazardly. I will refuse to drink out of a generic everyday cup or mug, and highly prefer it to be served in a mason jar. I need to see the words vegan, organic, and gluten free on 80% of the products, and every product must be supportive of fair trade. And lastly, I want at least one perfectly bearded man in a chequered lumberjack shirt to be a regular customer, so I can be seen to be at a hip cafe when I share the photos to Instagram and he's in the background.

Guns are for quitters. I spend ~15 minutes getting suited up with the help of my squire, mount my trusty steed, and ride downstairs to do battle with the would-be robber. Lance, sword, and shield to gun barrel. And I win. Again and again I drive these intruders from my home with force of arms and God on my side. They always come back, less like the noble wave and more like rats infesting a home. And I destroyed each and every wave. By day I am Dad, proud teller of Dad jokes and personal chauffeur/chaperone. But by night, the Kiss The Cook apron comes off, and the grill goes away, as I suit up to do battle with these would be rapscallions threatening my ability to say "hi hungry, I'm Dad"