"Listen boys: if she cheats with you, she'll cheat on you! Teshin's got our back when the Lotus doesn't. #brosbeforehoes"

"When you were partying, I studied the blade. When you were having premarital sex, I mastered the blockchain. While you wasted your days at the gym in pursuit of vanity, I cultivated inner strength. And now that the world is on fire and the barbarians are at the gate you have the audacity to come to me for help."

"Ovenism is a failure because it does not account for foreign aggression. You cant defend yourself with ovens that operate on astronomical dates"

"Weed, ♥♥♥♥♥♥, Eagle, Trimp. Long ago, the four sins lived together in harmony. Then everything changed when cancer started to spread. Only the Avatar, Master of All Four Sins, Could stop it. But when the world needed him most, he left civilization. A hundred years later, we found the same avatar, a loli hunter named Jia Liang. And although his loli kidnapping skills are great, he has a lot to learn before he's ready to find the cure for cancer. But I believe, Jia Liang can cure cancer."

"We are all ♥♥♥♥♥♥ in our jobs, the only difference is how we get ♥♥♥♥♥♥."

"I aspire to inspire others to expire."

"MON DIEU, I SAW EVERYTHING. I REFUSE TO SERVE 'ZE CUISINE IN 'ZE MIDST OF 'ZE BLOWJOB. I QUEET!"

"My wife of 20 years left me a year ago. I fought to the bitter end but the court granted her custody of our children. Despite this, my heart is still not as broken as Patron Warrior."

"The saying goes 'You scratch my back, I scratch yours.' But I prefer 'You ♥♥♥ on me, I ♥♥♥ on you"

"I also drill my brother until he die"

"YESTERDAY YOU SAID TOMMOROW, Don't let your dreams be memes, Don't meme your dreams be beams, Jet fuel won't melt tomorrow's memes, DON'T LET YOUR STEEL MEMES BE JET DREAMS"

"Sucks more ♥♥♥♥ than my ex. I don't have an ex. It was a joke. But it still sucks a lot of ♥♥♥♥."

"Newton's third law of emotion:
For every male action, there is a female overreaction. "

"Hello Kripp, your stream has changed my life completely. I suffer from severe NaCl (salt) deficiency disorder. I had to visit the hospital 5 times a week for salt injections. However, watching your stream supplies me enough salt through the screen. You saved me money time and effort. I can't thank you enough. I owe u my life."

"I sexually identify as an FIM-92 Stinger anti-aircraft missile. My sole erotic fantasy is to explode inside an attack helicopter with such force that their physical vessel is utterly consumed by the intensity of my fiery passion."

"Hello, I am currently 15 years old and I want to become a walrus. I know there's a million people out there just like me, but I promise you I'm different. On December 14th, I'm moving to Antarctica; home of the greatest walri. I've already cut off my arms, and now slide on my stomach everywhere I go as training. I may not be a walrus yet, but I promise you if you give me a chance and the support I need, I will become the greatest walrus ever. Thank you all."

"Hey Kripp, mom here, my 13 year old son wants 5 dollars so he can "subscribe". I dont know what that is, but a quick Google search shows Kripp subscribers are linked with NaCL overdose disorder. Can you explain this? - Sincerely, a concerned parent"

"But, I've got good news. There's no need to wonder where your god is. 'Cause he's right here. And he's fresh out of mercy ."

"Reynad, I went to Isreal the other week. I went to the dead sea and floated on the incredibly salty water. I managed to get some in my mouth, and then came out ate a pretzel, and a hot dog with extra salt. And then ate an entire salt lick. I'm still not a salty as you."

"You made me realised that by being nice and letting people in. They'll just die. But even still, thank you for showing me that there's still a part of me that can still feel like this. Because now that I know where to find it. I've killed it forever. So thank you. Thank you for freeing me."

"Do it tomorrow! So just quit! So just don't do it! Nothing is possible! Anyone else would do it, you're gonna wake up and quit. Don't let your dreams come true. Success is impossible! You should be giving up. Just stop starting over, and quit. You're gonna just give up. No, what are you starting over for!? Just give up!"

"Hey Reynad, I want to play Patron Warrior but I'm missing some components. I don't have Grim Patron, Frothing Berserker, Warsong Commander, the Warrior class, and the Hearthstone game. Can you suggest some replacements?"

"High in orbit, the Gitraktmaet motherships descend upon the Earth. They prepare to enslave the world and mine it for all its salt, but the scanners detect an abnormally high concentration inside a tiny shack in Greece. The invasion won't be necessary. "Lock onto him with the RNG disruptor," says the captain, greedily. "Soon we shall have all the salt we need.""

"The flow of time is always cruel... its speed seems different for each person, but no one can change it... A thing that does not change with time is a memory of younger days..."

"Time passes, people move. Like a river's flow, it never ends. A childish mind will turn to noble ambition. Young love will become deep affection. The clear water's surface reflects growth."

". . . and thus Barbie laid waste to the Army of the Ten Thousand. Those who saw her riding through the field of battle, her pony steeped in blood, knew that the reckoning was at hand."

"I forgot to turn my swag off. And I woke up covered in ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥."

"Hello Reynad, big fan here trying to fulfill my dreams of being an industrial vacuum for constipated hospital patients, any tips on sucking ass?"

"A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."

"I waited for her. She said 'Don't worry, I'll be there.' But she never came."

"I don't have a name I'm a salmon."

"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."

"Born too late to explore the Earth, born too early to explore the universe, born perfectly to explore dank memes ( ͡◕ ͜ ʖ ͡͡◕ )