Inventory of a King Crackhead

>5 grams ibuprofen
>2500mgs magnesium
>5 edibles
>3 packs of Camel Blue Wides™
>60mgs Adderal snorted™
>Half a football cooked™
>2 bottled Wild Irish Rose
>1 bottled Buckfast (smuggled™)
>George Floyd Runners™
>George Floyd Royal Flush™
>1984 Monte Carlo
>2 1.0 Basestations (30 thousand hours of runtime each)
>2 condoms "her pleasure" (extra small)
>Stolen chuck for a drill press (in the pocket slot)
>$43.07 "acquired"
>$170.43 "stolen"
>5 gallon gas can "empty"
>Taco Bell bean burrito (half eaten)
>iPhone™ 6 (has a 1300R bend) (0% battery)
>Comically sized rock "heavy"
>1 grey backpack (empty) (smells like cat piss)
>5 cans gold spray paint (3 empty)
>Whippet charges "colorful massive culinary can of nitrous for whipped cream" (11 left, 1989 empty)
>Bath robe (the belt part is replaced with a leather suit belt) (has various stains) (equipped in pants slot)
>(GammaMaxx 2063v2.0 Platinum Edition™)
>Terry Fargo McLean The 7th
>2 troglodytes (unkempt)
>8 ball "drywall" "snuff can" "piss stinchery"
>1 3.5oz bag America's Best Golden Blend Loose Leaf Chewing Tobacco™
>"Bump box"
>3 USB Type-C charging bricks (all different chinesium brands)
>1 Generic™ Micro USB male to Micro USB male cable
>1 Gun (Taurus Judge) "spicy hand-loads" "I got 15 more in my pocket, 3 fell down my pants I don't wanna get them"
>Burnt vape "trade it"
>40lbs dumbbell (spray painted gold) "drying"
>LLM corpus text (compressed onto a USB 2.0 thumbstick)
>1 shoe (brand unknown) (equipped in right foot slot)
>1 sock "boot sock made in Iran, has high quality holes in it" (equipped in left foot slot)
>1/3 bag "gambler's pipe tobacco" (+15% chance of winning a lottery ticket, -30% chance when going through nicotine withdrawals)
>4 "Steel Reserve" (Alloy Series™)
>29 cigarette tubes "inna bag"
>5 glow sticks (4 used)
>M67 hand grenade (pin pulled)
>Can of "fxck sh!t" "bad smell jar" "portal to hell" (kept in a DeWalt™ drill box)
>DeWalt impact driver™ (46% durability, 0% battery)
>2 batteries (leaking acid, -1 health tick per second)
>1 bag of "Erie Construction Screws"
>THEE Holy Bible
>"Cod Advanced Warfare Xbox 360" (a fishing game from 2006 inside)
>Item Burnt glove (+15% "grabbage" fire resistance, -12% hand agility)
>3 cun-tree music CDs (obsure)
>15 bottles of water "pure leaf refill"
>1 Varjo Areo HMD Mounted Display (one of the lenses fell out)
>2 cans Redbull™ "not that expired"
>1 compass "neeto magneto"
>Half a map to the Sierra Madre mountains "Yo where tf are we dude?"
>Strange glowing "thing" "its name is Jamey" "Jamey is hot" "ITS RIGHT ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ BEHIND US"
>Copper pipe (4 3/64") (corroded)
>Stanley 30' tape measure (first 15 inches are missing/rubbed off)
>1 Hello Kitty™ towel (wrapped up into a turban) (equipped in hat slot)
>Dog bowl (has the name "Gambi" printed on it) (empty)
>3 chain links from hand cuffs (two from the "police kind") (one from the "sex toy kind")
>2 liter (5/8 full malt liquor)
>1 torn check for "Tree Fiddy 34/100------"
>1 red pen (chewed thoroughly) (exploded inside)
>52 poker card box (all of the cards are missing)
>1 ticket stub for "Midwest Fu--------"
>1 Kindle Fire "latest and greatest"
>Ender™ 3 Pro 3D printer (stored in the ass pocket)
>old movie 3D glasses (stolen) "these are great for when I'm trippin balls"
>NeuraLink™ (equipped in brain slot)
>20 year old Sears™ gift card (amount lost to time)
>dryer lint "more flammable than napalm" (compacted into a small ball)