Recent reviews by Skwiz

Seriously good fun, even when you're getting hammered by cruel rng or the sheer mayhem that comes from negotiating some of the enemy mobs. The combinations and possibilities are pretty wild. Even more fun when you've got a friend with you, too.

Honestly, just emulate this one. The fact that this is on Steam store is little more than a misnomer. Compatibility is about as good as sticking a fork into a live power outlet. This game was 3D Worms before 3D Worms was 3D Worms. The game itself is a goodie for its age and era - but this is unacceptable. Very disappointing.

Not bad for a little chump change - the soundtrack is very pleasing. The handling is greasier than an 80's car salesman, but nothing's ever perfect.

Easier than putting the broken pieces of my life back together. 10/10.

Various social groups speak of being oppressed; not to name any names... Then there's Harold Fletcher. Take your favourite wank sock and wave that bad boy underneath your mother's nose. Not a bad way to kill some time here - quite amusing.

Dark, depressing, dismal. Take a choose your own adventure book and make every outcome cynical or utterly miserable. I feel the following quote sums it up pretty nicely.

FATHER: YOU LOOK LIKE $HIT

YOU: I FEEL LIKE IT.

After scientific experimentation with this game I have deducted it contains all the charm and aesthetic of catching herpes off of a toilet seat. You should try it some time.

Gets informed I need to take a dump.

Takes a dump.

Literally craps a can of edible spaghetti and meatballs.

10/10 game.


UPDATE:

Additional poop items include but are not limited to:

- Pineapples
- Scissors
- Candy Bars
- MP5 Magazines
- Apples

How this got out of EA, I will never know. If this game doesn't just up and crash on you before you've even beaten the first level, you're sure to have yourself a stroke while waiting for it to load in the enemies which leap out of portals. (Which, might I add... Seems to be the only way the friggin' things appear.) And if you ARE intending to beat a level, you'd better be dedicated. One sitting is all you get, if you're lucky. If you crash? Start from the very beginning of the game. YEP. New game. Because rest assured, Onikira will crash on you if you even try to bring up your previously saved game, turning a blind eye and cold shoulder to it like an embarrassing, drunken one night stand.

If I could credit it for anything at all, it'd be the artwork. But with that being said... Glitter on a turd will not stop it from offending your nostrils.

Another platforming gem from the PS1 era is Pandemonium! (1996 and brought to you by Crystal Dynamics)

We embark on an adventure caused by the mishaps of Fargus the Joker and Nikki, a young sorceress. She singlehandedly caused the destruction of their local town by casting a spell from a tome. They quest to reach something known as the Wishing Engine to restore the town to its previous condition.

We have ourselves a "not quite 3D" deal, here. The gameplay itself is 2D, but you can expect the "typical for its time" 3D rendering. There's a wide variety of stages to challenge, here. Fortresses, forests, deserts, mystical temples... (Even sawmills?!?!) and each house their own cast of troublesome foes, acrobatics and platforming scenarios. The music has a very unique fusion going on, as composed by Burke Trieschmann, instilling feelings of adventure and mysticism along the way. (Dungeon Tower... great example.). The controls are simple, but don't harbour forgiveness for you - precision is the name of the game. Fargus and Nikki each have their own special ability for you to use at your leisure throughout the adventure. Fargus provides an offensive spin, whilst Nikki has the perks of double jumping. You also have the joy of selecting whoever you wish for every level.

Overall? I'd recommend it. It's challenging, it's an adventure and offers players an acrobatic, fantasy fuelled twist on platforming with a superb soundtrack to accompany your escapades.