Skalp is the only man I know who treats his gaming chair like a life support machine. This dude falls asleep mid-call, mid-game, mid-sentence—it’s like his body just hits a sleep timer the moment the match ends. I’m genuinely not convinced he owns a bed. At this point, his chair probably claims him on its taxes.

He’s the first human to achieve full REM sleep with a headset on and Discord still open. Bro’s one patch away from becoming a furniture-based lifeform.

-rep, but +8 hours of chair-based hibernation per session

Hey Skalpino, seriously, what is wrong with you?

You’re almost 30, but every time we’re in a call, you pass out like a grandpa who just had his afternoon tea. It’s actually insane. We’ll be mid-conversation, and suddenly—boom—radio silence, snoring in the background. Do you even realize how many times we’ve sat there, wondering if you died? Get it together, man.

-rep

Hey Skal, just dropping by to say thanks. After spending 10 minutes in a lobby with you, my therapist added an extra session to my weekly plan. My ears are still ringing and my will to live is on cooldown.
-rep +emotional damage

Hey Skal, just wanted to leave a comment! I've been bedridden for the past week because I had a stroke and I just want you to know that after playing / talking with you I feel like I'm going to have another.
-rep