Recensioni recenti di Senator Howell Tankerbell

Genuine Masterpiece.

They sullied a really great game with the world's stupidest, most pretentious "story" I've ever seen. I don't want to sit here and watch your pointlessly stylized, obnoxiously slow fake chat conversation full of hackneyed one-liners and futile attempts at some sort of "statement" on game design. I don't want to sit through filler levels with no enemies that won't even let you hit "escape" to quit out of the game. I don't want to put up with your wannabe Stanley Parable narrative. I just want to play the game I bought, because it's actually an incredible game.

The stupidity almost makes me not want to recommend this, but the gameplay (when they let you actually enjoy it) is good enough to justify sitting through some of the most pointless, time wasting writing ever.

Seriously, you don't need that stupid crap to justify making a game. A game about walking around a completely colorless space killing solid red glass figures in slow motion can just be that. Why cram all this other stuff in there that has absolutely nothing to do with that?

Contradiction is an excellent murder mystery game with just enough interaction to make it fun. It plays like a sort of choose your own adventure style movie. Well, you don't choose your own adventure, there's only one path through the story, but it's up to you to discover the proper combination of button presses to continue along that path. This makes it seem kind of lame, but it is very satisfying to uncover the contradiction in someone's answers that uncovers the next stage of the investigation.

This is an FMV game, which means the whole thing is video. Yes, this makes it kind of goofy, but in such a charming British way that really only makes it more fun. My Wife and I kind of love Jenks, the goofball detective who leaves no stone unturned (especially the ones that happen to fall right at his feet literally out of the pocket of one of his suspects).

You should play this game, if only to get to the bottom of just what the deal is with Simon's Homebrew. Honestly, I never would have suspected it to have gone in the direction it did.

Also, what do you know about doll burning?

This game is not nearly fun enough to be worth how pointlessly difficult it is to play. The art could have been done by a high school kid in an afternoon (or, more likely, a computer algorithm designed to draw pixel art pictures of vomit). The controls are awkward at best and actively, toss the controller across the room frustrating at worst. The difficulty ramps up slowly as you play from just a little too hard to "oh to hell with this" in a matter of minutes, which basically ammounts to the game punishing you for playing it. Oh, I know what would make a fun game. Let's make players look for a tiny, unmarked special thing across levels that are ridiculously huge, all while monsters that do a hundred times more damage than the player constantly spawn literally surrounding them. Also let's make the player speed so painfully slow that you could eat something, puke it up, admire how similar it looks to the artwork in the game, and then eat something else in the time it takes you to climb back up onto a stupid platform that you just fell off because the controls take a rather innovative and outside-the-box interpretation of the concept of directions. Finally, let's taunt the player with random item drops and experience boosts that will slowly increase the player's capabilities, but only about half as fast as the increase in enemy level, so they are completely, maddeningly meaningless. Oh, that's too hard for you? Well, we can throw in an easier difficulty level for any babies who want to play, if anybody is pitiful enough to actually want to feel like they can accomplish anything in life. We can't let that slide, though, so we'll just revoke any ability to progress through the metagame or unlock anything if you're enough of a wuss to lower the difficulty level at all. You can play at the manly difficulty level like it's "supposed to be played" and immediately die, thereby accomplishing nothing and feeling like an idiot. You could also be a big, stupid baby and play on a slightly easier level like a dumb, stupid baby would and the game will punish you for being such a dumb baby and revokes all of your rewards for playing, thereby accomplishing nothing while getting told you're an idiot.

Screw you, Risk of Rain.