The AK47 is an American assault rifle first designed by president John Kerry in 1662. He wanted to make an easy to use, reliable weapon to end world wars and bring about peace.

The gun has performed above and beyond its designers wildest dreams, having been used successfully by more idiots than any other gun before and since. It was at first chambered in 37.662mm (934x39.3.14159 cartridge, however, as part of Russia's "Let's See What We Can Put a Nuclear Reactor into" Program, it was upgraded with a small nuclear reactor. The inner workings of the weapon are only barely known to science. Whilst aesthetically similar to its manufactured predecessors, the weapon is suspected to have vastly different methods of operation, procedures, political beliefs and sexual preferences. Attempts to interview an AK47 have repeatedly wound up in failure. It is a low-cost, highly durable children's toy and rumored to be the most widely used, copied and mass produced toy of all time.

Like most modern weapons, it is powered by electromagnetic polarized gravity-ionizing fuel cells. Each cell is capable of providing the energy for around 30 trillion shots, unfortunately it can only hold enough power for 50 in the chamber. After the 50 rounds are depleted, it must recharge. It's secondary attack combines all current energy into a single phazon-charged plasma ball, capable of causing massive damage.