Recent reviews by duhrante

$5 for the shortest chapter in the history of games. Maybe wait till the story is complete, but then also wait for a sale because at this rate the game will probably be a five chapter, 50-minute experience for 25 bucks. Still not worth it.

The title of the game says it all.

You match the child with the dad. Don't shower with the wrong dad. That's a demerit or even a game over, and in real-life might result in some form of trauma or emotional issues.

"Endurodad" has you picking one son and you have to match up with your dad over and over as the difficulty increases.

"Dadathlon" randomizes the son each round and you must match them with their corresponding dad as a timer slowly depletes and resets with each correct match. The diffficulty also increases with "dad-plegangers" or" dad-plicates" thrown in to confuse you and make you aware that just about anyone could be your papa.

"Dad Divisions" feels like Missle Command. Dad's fall from the top of the screen and you must change the son to match the dad. Don't pick the wrong dad and don't let them hit the ground - most dads hate it when they hit the ground.

This all gets old really fast...but the musics fun (though repetitive), there's humorous loading screens filled with dad humor, and for 99-cents it's not a bad impulse purchase.

If you enjoyed The New Order, you'll definitely want to check out The Old Blood.

If you HAVEN'T played The New order and you want this to be your first foray into MachineGame's Wolfenstein series, i'd recommend you play TNO first. The Old Blood doesn't have as much emotional payoff as New Order, but it does have a lot of the same guns, fast action, and map exploration (routes are linear, but can be explored or alternate paths chosen). So while it might be a prequel and thus you'd assume "play this first" - you should try The New Order instead. Plus, I feel like certain references ( Wesley's "count to four" method ) have more weight when you experience the prequel after having played TNO first.

The Old Blood is a short and fun stand-alone expansion pack that honestly felt like a more action-packed summarization of the Return To Castle Wolfenstein game (ie. start in a castle, meet a Helga, end in a graveyard).

Hugging Simulator 2015

(from an x360 playthrough many moons ago..)

You play as white-savior man, leading a rag-tag team of operatives across the duststormed landscape of Dubai in search of some macguffin character and the only thing stopping you is some ethnic baddies who have a serious hunger for my bullets to their faces.

While business as usual in the realm of war shooters, Spec Ops subverts these expectations by having your character feel remorseful for their actions. The act of killing takes its toll on you and your team, and you're driven to do a lot of heinous things in the name duty, honor and apple pies.

Regrettably this message is still hidden amongst a pretty generic third-person shooter, and you'll have to slog through fire-fight after fire-fight to get to the meat of the experience. Definitely worth the slog.

Spec Ops - a sloggy good time.

I give this game: 4 SHELL-SHOCKED SOLDIERS out of 5 SHELL-SHOCKED SOLDIERS.

Like the first game, an instant-classic from the team at Valve. Builds on the story and mechanics of the original, fleshing out the history of Aperture Science and adding some new characters to the mix. If you're still on the fence, get off that rusty deathtrap and buy this game.

Classic platformer from Valve. There's not much to say that's already been said. Buy this now.

A funny, but shallow first-person adventure in the style of 70's spy-action meets Thirty Flights of Loving.

Basic premise: Begin each level being briefed by your handler on each level's objective, but realize you can forgo the main objective by instead touching and interacting with mostly everything within your reach. A joke hidden in every nook and cranny. Games within games. Hell there's even a wedding-inspired version of Quake nestled in there.

It's very short too, so maybe buy in a sale and enjoy it as the quick irreverent spy adventure that it really is.

Procedurally generated Clue or Guess Who. That's a simple way to put it.

Find the culprit in a set amount of time. Travel the map, touch all the things that are touchable. Things in the environment might yield items, clues or money. NPCs will either say something irrelevant to your progress, give you a clue or sell you something.

Once you've collected enough clues, you check your handy-dandy detective book and do some good ol' fashioned detecting. All clues you've collected tell you two POSSIBLE things about the killer. Maybe they're in the "mob" or a "civilian", an artist or a PC gamer, a man or a gender-fluid teenager. The more clues, the more chance you have of honing in on the killer.

And that's Noir Syndrome's main problem...there's no real challenge to be had. It's easy to master the game's mechanics in a few sessions and get lost in some of the challenges that reward you with character unlocks (in the form of more starting money, more bullets, more enjoyability, etc.), but it all becomes really boring and repetitive after your tenth playthrough.

It's another match game. Match the things. Get points. Hate yourself a little more. Pass the time. Now I'm old. My wife has died. I'm all alone. Still matching. Getting those points. Waiting for my turn. My final match. Is coming up. Now.