I am Salad Reactor. I am at your service!
Here is some advice: Ed The Greatest Mister Faraó Gay Love... or something along those lines.


BALLSAX CHIXEN STORX - 200307
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Nobody alive currently has ever heard of the Seed of Chickens. How do I know about it? Reading. Seriously, kids, go read some more books at your local library. Anyway, the Seed of Chickens is an old legend that was once believed to have been passed around during the early settler days of New Mexico. The story goes that one day Montezuma was caught doing "teh nasties" at a local pub and as sentence it was ordered that his tiny little shrimp ♥♥♥♥ was cut off and tossed in the Sacramento Lake. The dismembered penis lived a life of its own, grew to the size of a salmon and started to crawl out of the lake at nights to hunt on land. Sightings of the monstrosity were being reported and soon rumors of the "Beast of the Sacramento Woods" got perpetuated frequently. One day, however, things got wild. An entire farm worth of livestock was found eaten and not too far from it a giant ballsack-looking object was found lying. Not sure what to do with it, the locals dug a giant hole and buried the thing in the soil, hoping it would never be seen by anyone ever again, forever. No one has seen it since. Some reports did suggest that a giant flying cabbage could be spotted during full moonlight at the top of Seattle Tower. Regardless, no one has ever laid eyes upon it since. A somewhat compelling report did, however, point to the possibility of the Seed of Chickens residing in Area 51, as satellite imagery captured the shape of a big brown walnut-looking object sitting neatly and squarely next to the main complex. Despite this, no one has ever heard of it since. That's assuming, of course, that you don't count that one incident concerning a weird farting howl being heard around Sacramento Lake during 3 AM in July of 2007, lasting from 3 to 14 minutes between the 5th and 23rd of that month. Still, no one has ever encountered it since. Do I need to hammer the point down some more? I think we can all agree that, at this point, it's highly unlikely that any compelling proof of the Seed of Chickens has ever existed. In fact, I don't think the farm it supposedly devoured whole ever existed in Sacramento back in the Bum♥♥♥♥ 1700s or whenever the whole goose chase started. Was Montezuma a real person? Do cut-off ♥♥♥♥♥ have the physiological capacity, let alone the biology to take on a life of their own? So long as the Seed of Chickens remains a mystery, so will all other question surrounding the legend. Who gave it the name "Seed of Chickens" anyway? Is this a long-running in-house joke from somewhere and it got a life of its own too? This is already getting a bit messy for my liking. I should probably stop visiting the library at this point.
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Everything is trying to be Ultima Underworld, yet backfires miserably as even a seemingly truthful copycat cannot elevate itself above the creative force that established ARPGs as we know them now. Every TES after Daggerfall are all just Underworld. What about Breast of the Wild (roflmao)? Underworld. The Witcher, Runescape and Souls series (to scratch just the surface) are all trying desperately to become Underworld. They never get played nearly as much as Underworld, because Underworld is just that good. However, the less said about Underworld Ascendant the better...
- Chinese sage, 295 BCE


SOME ANCIENT WORDS OF WISDOM:
"Arnborg and Brownie, only you can spank the snusksill in the butt without the torngubbe knowing my hamster's favorite kalsongfiskare"