I was wearing my lichess hoodie out in public once, at my local grocery store, and guess who saw me. None other than Hikaru Nakamura… he came up to me and said “Oh, Lichess, Lichess, okay, so you play chess on Lichess, you must be good at chess to BOAST about it in public, okay, okay, I see.” I told him I’m not very good, but he demanded I play him at blindfold chess. I figured maybe I could get through a few moves, but after every one he would just burst out hysterically laughing then go stone faced and say “wait, you’re serious? Chat is he serious right now? Is he?” Eventually he pushed me down and said let me save you some time: “takes, takes, takes, takes, takes, qg2 checkmate. Give me that hoodie you freak” and I cried and listened to him. He said “here’s a sportsmanship award for wearing a hoodie you don’t deserve” and then flicked me off while stuffing candy bars into his pockets.

There was a Gollum-like creature groveling by his side and he tossed my hoodie to it and smirked, whispering “here you go ChessBae, a reward for being good today.”

Don’t get a lichess hoodie unless you can beat Hikaru at blindfold chess, otherwise you’ll end up like me.