Recent reviews by LoveJesusHateTheGovernment

Because this game is in early access, I can only review what I've played so far, but I am having so much fun playing this. The game bleeds personality and I love the swordplay mechanic, even though I'm still trying to get used to it. The game has got a very helpful tutorial section that explains the fighting mechanics very well, but it takes a bit of practice. The characters are so neat, and very historical. But my favorite part was in the story mode, (which isn't finished yet) where I got to fight a drunken monk with a broom. The development team is doing a knock out job on this title. I can't recommend it enough.

I know that people are complaining about there not being controller rebinding and stuff, but I am still loving this port regardless. Zombies Ate My Neighbors was such a great game back in the day and I played it to death. Ghoul Patrol is ok, but not nearly as good in my opinion.

This is a very charming, beginner to mid-level shoot 'em up game with a strong "steam punk" theme to it, and offered a fair challenge to a bullet-hell novice such as myself. I am not good at bullet-hell shooting games at all, so for me it offered a good challenge and I managed to complete the game on normal difficulty in an hour. If you are advanced in this genre of game and are looking for a major challenge, this is probably not the game for you. Personally I loved it, especially the dialogue between the characters at the end of the stages that was both clever and funny.

This was a pretty entertaining platformer that played almost exactly like the Metal Slug series. It had good controls, (although I wish you could rebind them) and creative levels. My favorite level was San Francisco where you have to avoid street poop projectiles. The game is short and not particularly challenging, but for me that was a good thing because it's not meant to be a heavy time investment. It's meant to be a passive time killer and manages to do it well, while still being fun. Personally speaking, as a fan of Alex Jones myself, I wonder if self satirizing was a good idea. He is reaching a larger audience with his message but may also be discrediting his message in the long-term.

This is a very difficult game for me to review. It barely gets a pass from me, because the game itself is solid. It's a good little retro shooter. But for some insane reason, you are expected to complete the game in one life! I don't know who has so much time in their lives as to play this game long enough to become that good. The game advertises that it has no continues, but I thought that it would at least give the player more than one life. Well, it doesn't; it's a little ridiculous honestly. I managed to get to stage 3. If you buy this game, I hope you have LOTS of patience.

Well, I just completed the game and got one of the 4 possible endings. I really enjoyed this game a lot, and you will too if you enjoy platformers. This game really stands out because of it's unique aesthetic. It is a very fluid platformer done in the stile of a Gothic or medieval stain-glass window or scroll. Basically, you play a dude returning from the Crusades, (which crusade is not mentioned) to an oppressive world ruled by, what I can only describe a Christian theology minus Christ. It's a world marred by sin, with no redeemer or atonement. It's up to you to enter the minds of the people and purge them of their sin by fighting the deadly sin bosses. Depressing theology aside, it's quite fun, and a good platformer that isn't impossibly hard, (like say "Super Meat Boy") but still offers a fair challenge for advanced players, but not to intimidating for beginners to 2D platform side scrollers. It's very well done, has a unique flavor to it, and has flawless controls at a good price point. It's pretty well done and I had a lot of fun with it. Thank you for reading my review.

Well, I love dungeon crawlers to begin with, being a huge fan of the Wizardry series. This is a simple, short, but super fun dungeon crawler with a "lewd" theme and some tongue-and-cheek humor. I had a lot of fun with it.

It's a pretty fun retro game for a buck. I would definitely recommend it. One suggestion that I would make to the developer is when standing over a ladder, hitting the "down" arrow on the control pad makes Alfredo fall rather than climb down the ladder. That almost always resulted in me falling on, or in the path of a zombie.

As you can see from my playtime, I've only played this game for about 10 minutes so far, but it's a pretty simple shooter and does not need a lot of game hours spent to assess it. I am giving this game a positive review because it is a decent shooter at a fantastic price. You collect gold coins when you defeat enemies, but as far as I can tell, they only add to your score. There are no upgrade purchases. You get a good variety of space ships to choose from, all with angel themes in the names, and the bosses of each stage are pretty neat as well. BUT PLEASE KNOW BEFORE PURCHASING THIS THAT THERE ARE NO CONTINUES. YOU ARE EXPECTED TO BEAT THE ENTIRE GAME IN THREE LIVES. Honestly, I think that is pretty unreasonable and I hope that the developer will have mercy and add some continues in the future. I only managed to make it to the third stage, and I have no idea how many stages there are in total. Thank you for reading my review.

This is a pretty well done, and fun throwback to the 80's NES Double Dragon that we all loved, (if you're my age anyway). It has really spot-on controls and retro-graphics, plus is a lot of fun. Note: This is not a throwback to the arcade Double Dragon, but of the NES version. It is deceptively easy at first, but there is a pretty high difficulty spike about half way through level 4. I don't know how may levels there are, but I managed to get to level 9 on my first play through. One thing to note is that you will get swarmed by a large number of enemies simultaneously who will knock you back down when you try to get up. It seems pretty cheap, but I found out a little late that by hitting the "B" button on the X-Box controller upon getting up, you can knock them back before they can hit you. It helps a lot! Great job to the developers of this retro-inspired game. I am having a lot of fun with it.