Recent reviews by kugelschreiber

noob game tbh

so we’re back. another year, another PGA 2K game. and you know what? i’ll say it—the swing mechanics are actually better. feels smooth, feels responsive, actually makes me wanna play instead of throwing my controller like a frustrated dad at topgolf.

but good mechanics don’t make a game perfect. because, and i say this with love… what the hell is going on with legend difficulty? why is the career mode copy-pasted straight outta NBA 2K? and why does leveling feel like i’m getting xp just for existing?

let’s break it down.

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so i put my myplayer on legend difficulty, thinking he’s gonna play like an actual legend while i’m away. but nah. this dude is out here butchering rounds like a chainsaw-wielding maniac in a horror movie. +3 every time. EDIT: Apparently, Legend works opposite on the user and AI hehe makes sense hehe

meanwhile, the AI is playing like prime tiger woods, consistently shooting -11 like they got the cheat codes.

and the real problem? dynamic holes. i don’t play all 18, i just drop in randomly, so i’m literally being thrown into a disaster every time. i load up a hole and boom—myplayer has already tanked the round.

so now, instead of just playing golf, i’m out here playing "heroic comeback simulator 2025".

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the game is fun, but leveling? way too fast.

i swear, if i could level up in real life as fast as i do here, i’d be a millionaire bodybuilder with a phd.

there’s no sense of grind, no challenge—it’s just “congrats, you breathed today! here’s some skill points.”

at this rate, i’m expecting the game to start handing out XP just for opening the menu.

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so, i boot up career mode expecting, y’know, golf. instead, i get something that feels like a reskinned version of nba 2k25 or topspin 2k25.

same structure.
same cutscenes.
same feeling that myplayer is just some generic 2K character who got lost and ended up on a golf course.

i half expected to get contract offers from nike and gatorade, followed by a cringey cutscene where my coach gives me "the speech" about how i need to focus and believe in myself.

like, come on man. i just wanna play some damn golf, not go through the standard 2K sports storyline that’s been recycled more times than my local grocery store’s paper bags.

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final rating: 7/10 – ai is on steroids, career mode is just nba and topspin 2k in a polo, swing mechanics finally hit puberty.

so you’re running a motel… in the arctic. which sounds cool (literally), but in reality, it’s less “chill” and more “why is everyone here so shady?” welcome to arctic motel simulator, where your job isn’t just keeping rooms warm, but also holding onto random people’s cash, ignoring the obvious crime happening around you, and figuring out why someone just called to ask if their “friend” showed up with someone else.

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this ain't just some cozy little arctic inn. oh no. you’re running a full-on weird-business empire. you can:

• rent out rooms – normal, right? wrong.
  
• sell “arctic specialties” – probably overpriced junk.
  
• open a restaurant – where the menu might feature something you personally hunted.
  
• hire “special agents” – and no, these are not highly-trained operatives. they are… entertainment providers.

but the best part? your guests trust you with way too much personal stuff.

• some guy calls and asks if his “friend” came with someone else. bro, am i a receptionist or a private investigator?
  
• people leave cash lying around and you can just… hold onto it for them. sure. totally normal.
  
• you go to clean a room and find someone’s phone just chilling there. then they call and ask you to hold onto it… so YOU can get XP. i don’t know what kinda game logic this is, but i’m not questioning free XP.

no idea what happens if you say no to any of this. maybe they leave. maybe they send arctic rabbits after you as revenge. i don't wanna find out.

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turns out, the arctic has four seasons, and they all come with new ways to make your life harder.

• winter – gotta heat rooms or guests turn into popsicles. also, hunting season starts. not for polar bears though. nope. you get rabbits. nothing says "badass arctic hunter" like going 1v1 with a snow bunny.
  
• summer – somehow, your motel has humidity problems. sure, let’s add “dehumidifier micromanagement” to my list of worries.
  
• spring & fall – perfect time for rv rentals, because nothing screams “best vacation ever” like parking a van in the middle of the tundra.

also, you can build igloos in the winter, because apparently some guests wanna roleplay as penguins. respect.

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think running a motel is just about keeping rooms clean? nope.

• a dude calls asking if his friend showed up alone. i don’t know, bro. i’m not running a loyalty test service.
  
• cops show up randomly. not for you though—they’re keeping an eye on your “special agents.”
  
• people straight-up hand you cash and tell you to “hold onto it.” oh yeah, nothing sketchy about that.
  
• you find a guest’s phone in their room, and instead of, y’know, coming back for it like a normal person, they call and ask you to hold it… because YOU get XP for doing it. i don’t know if this is some kind of arctic level-up strat, but hey, i’m grinding motel management exp now.

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final rating: 10/10 – would definitely run an arctic safehouse again.

Everything here is a bit of banter on this VERY newly released game, and I know it is in early access, but this is also for the developers. As the developers updates this game. This review will be updated and edited, with the changes in the top of this review. Makes it easier for everyone i guess.

I see we are still rocking the Unity icon. I think at this point that is a tradition.

I am still greated in French in the tutorial: Press (space) pour passer Oui, chef. I guess you really want me to embrace my inner Parisian.

On the bright side. The tutorial exists. It's a bit roguh, but it's an improvement. Would be even better if it actually ENSURED that you completed each step before moving on. Like, log the WASD movement.

Also, bloqué is still there in 'Partner Pulse'. At this point, I have simply just accepted that some words are permanently bilingual.

Controls: The Eternal Struggle

• Left click to unpack a carton? Cool. Left click to place it? Nope.
  
• Dog food is apparently too powerful to be placed on anything else than the upper shelf.
  
• Still can't move diagonally. Feels like I've lost a whole dimension of movement.
  
• Switching to "hands" when holding an item that I have already bought? Instant placement. Atleast I can remove it now, so props for that i guess.

Also rotation should definitely be on R for rotation on QWERTY - most common.

UI: Some Wins, Some Headaches.

• "Press E to open" should align with button on the side.
  
• Picking up trash tutorial? The text box is weirdly big for such a small text. But solid work on the 'remaining waste' counter. The sound though is horrendous and not rewarding enough.
  
• Tutorial windows tends to overlap if you close and reopen the tutorial.
  
• Is there a purpose for me being able to make my store name extremely long?

Tutorial Progress: The sequel

After a quick word with the developer

Turns out the scanner isn't a tool- it's that little thing sitting in front of the computer on the desk.

Here's how it actually works:

1. Place a single item onto the scanner, and it will automaticallyt move to the left side of the desk.
   
2. Grab a box from the conveyor.
   
3. Put the scanned items inside the box
   
4. The screen will prompt you to print the label
   
5. Then proceed to put it on the delivery platform and call the delivery man.

The game says: "Scan the items displayed on the screen, then click on Print.".
Simple? No.

I assume the scanner in the top left is the tool for the job.. but nothing happens? Meanwhile, I previously used something called a scanner for deleting waste earlier, so I'm doubting everything.

Also, clicking an order sometimes shows 3 items on the left, but only 2 on the right. Fixed it by spam-clicking, because that’s totally how logistics work.

Bug report: The floating box phenomenon

If you remove a box from the ‘Convoyer’ (yes, that’s a typo), it just starts… floating. Like some kind of haunted shipping crate. No matter where you try to place it, it just keeps drifting away. Guess we’ve unlocked zero-gravity shipping.

• Conveyor isn’t screaming in my ears anymore. Big W.
  
• Less text in french. Not so many surprise language lessons.
  
• The ‘D’ key issue is supposedly fixed. I guess that means no more moonwalking into the abyss? Will test.
  
• The tool menu (ALT) will close automatically after selection.
  
• Tab menu actually shows item names now! Also, right-click cancels actions. Revolutionary stuff.

Props to the devs for fixing some of the easy wins. Respect.

Now, what did I actually experience in-game after the update?

• When an item is locked, it now says "Bloqué". Still not English. But hey, at least I can guess what it means. Probably.
  
• I get a professional discount when ordering things. Why? No idea. What am I a professional at? Being confused? Can I use this discount for something later? Who knows.
  
• The movement fix did indeed stop me from involuntarily drifting. But now I can’t move diagonally anymore. So I guess it’s one step forward, one step—oh wait, I can’t step sideways anymore.

And now, the tutorial. Mission 4/4. It says:

"Scan the items by pressing G and clicking the left mouse button on the scanner, then place them in the box. Then, click the Print button on the screen, take the label from the printer and place it on the box."

I have absolutely no clue what that means. I make a box on the conveyor, it ends up on the pallet. I try to scan it. Nothing. Try picking it up? Nope. Try scanning it on the ground? Nada. Try scanning the box it came in? Still nothing. Am I missing a secret ritual?

Also, P as a button for anything is a crime. Who decided this? I have to either move my entire left hand or take my hand off my mouse. Just why?

And please. Update the icon from Unity with something you can create in 5 seconds.

Very early access, obviously.