meow

i love 𝙮𝙤𝙪.

This is way too relatable. Whenever i feel like i'm about to cry, my instinctual course of actions is to lock myself away from any living person, because people don't like men who cry. I'm comfortable with talking about it and my problems, because shame is a cowardly feeling from my current point of view, but whenever i am pushed to crying, the only thing i feel beyond sadness is shame. And crying is supposed to be a healthy way to rid yourself of stress, so i'm quite unhappy about it.

I wish I didn’t care as I do, I wish I could ignore the pain and continue as if nothing fazes me. Yet I do care, even the slightest of comments flares my insecurities and self loathing and sometimes I wish I could cease to exist and any memory of me to disappear. I’m disgusted with myself, I wish I could disappear and be replaced by someone better. I don’t deserve what I have and wish for what I can never have, I despise that part of me too. It’s so easy to fake a smile and say reassuring words that I don’t mean, sometimes I wish someone would see through the lie and ask if I really am ok. I wish I could trust people and rely on people without the overwhelming fear of disappointment and betrayal. Sometimes I still try to trust and rely on someone a tiny bit but it always backfires and I end up regretting it again. I wish I was different, I wish I could change, I wish I was someone I’m not.

me and my bed deadass like never separate. i’ve just had absolutely zero motivation, and barely see a point in anything. i haven’t legitimately felt good in like 2 years, and feel as nothing WILL genuinely make me at peace or happy. everything i’ve done before, doesn’t matter to me anymore, everything feels like a chore, im never fully comfortable. i seriously don’t know what to do

Listening to your voice, and the way that you spoke....reminded me of someone I loved very much a long time ago. She broke my heart, and my life has fallen to pieces over the years...yet for some reason this has made my chest feel tight. It hurts a bit, but it's also warm. Like when I close my eyes, i'm right back there. Where I felt like I could trust someone. Like I had a chance to be normal. Thank you...even if I forget this when I wake up tomorrow and go back to auto pilot. Keep helping the people that need it. It might seem silly, but for some folks this is all they have.