1. First we will abolish the moon, that smug sack of ♥♥♥♥ in the sky, our constant condescending stalker. This should be the easiest step: People have set foot on its surface, and come back, and eventually they stopped going there; they realized how utterly dull it is.

2. Next we will overthrow the fascist institution of the sun, finally achieving the dream of all great revolutionary movements in history.

3. We will disestablish the planets, one by one, leaving them to vanish with Pluto into death. We will sweep up the dusty nebulae, plug up the black holes, drink up the Milky Way, tear down the Great Wall brick by brick.

4. Comets, asteroids, space dust, quantum foam: no more.

5. Finally, when our victory is almost complete, we will abolish low earth orbit, the black depths of the oceans, the wildernesses of the poles, the pulsing core of the human psyche.