Surgeon from Dwarf Fortress


And when the patient woke up, his upper body was missing, and the surgeon was never heard from again! Anyway, that's how I got exiled. Urist! No! It's filthy in there! Heh, cats... Now, most livers couldn't withstand this kind of excessive removal of tissue, but I'm fairly certain your liver... [liver rots on the spot, exploding into miasma] "What is smell?" The smell of.. progress, my friend. [goes to the stockpile to find a new liver] Ahh.. perfect "Kill me." Later... Where was I? There we go.. [stuffs prepared rhino liver into now deceased patient] *maniacal laughter* [the surgeon necromancer gestures! the dwarf corpse shudders and begins to move!]

Hey look buddy, I'm a mechanic. That means I solve problems, not problems like "How to marry adventurers?" because that would fall within the purview of your conundrums of hardcoded asexuality. I solve practical problems, for instance: how am I going to stop some 80 mean goblins from tearing through our mothers and infants? The answer: use a trap. Hallway. And if that don't work, put more traps in the hallway. Take for instance this 100 tile long, ballista battery loaded, bridge trapped, drowning chambered little old number designed by me, built by me, and you best hope... not encompassing you.

I am Spearlord... and this is my spear. She is of size 400 and has a piercing area of 20. It costs 3 metal bars to forge this weapon... or 9 adamantine wafers. [Spearlord looses a roaring laughter, fell and terrible!] Oh my Äst, who touched Urist?... Alright, who touched my spear?! Some people think they can outsmart me. Maybe, maybe... I've yet to meet one that can outsmart spear. Waaaaaaaah! Uryaaaaaaaa! Ahahahahaha! Cry some more! [Gets melted by dragonfire, spear and all] Ghostly Spearlord: Heheh. Cry some more...