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7 of 10 (70%) achievements earned:
Personal Achievements
 

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Unlocked 18 May, 2014 @ 9:05am

Click on door 430 five times.

Click on door 430 five times.
Unlocked 18 May, 2014 @ 3:32am

Achievement

This is an achievement.
Unlocked 18 May, 2014 @ 3:06am

Welcome back!

Quit the game and then start it again.
Unlocked 18 May, 2014 @ 7:14am

Speed run

Complete The Stanley Parable in under 4 minutes 22 seconds (not including load times)
Unlocked 18 May, 2014 @ 9:02am

You can't jump

No seriously, we disabled it.
Unlocked 18 May, 2014 @ 3:10am

Beat the game

Complete The Stanley Parable.
Unlocked 18 May, 2014 @ 8:09am



Commitment

Play The Stanley Parable for the entire duration of a Tuesday.

Go outside

Don't play The Stanley Parable for five years.

Unachievable

It is impossible to get this achievement.