Dear Sarah, I'm sorry,
We have to get a divorce
I know, that seems like a really odd way to start a love letter
But let me explain,
It's not you -
It's definitely not me
It's just human beings don't love as well as insects do
I love you far too much to let what we have
Be ruined by the failings of our species
I'm going to leave you now, while I still remember you fondly
I saw the way you looked at the waiter last night
I know you would never do anything - you never do
But I saw the way you looked at the waiter last night
Did you know that when a female fly accepts the pheromones put off by a male fly,
It rewrites her brain
Destroys her receptors for pheromones
Sensing the change, the male fly does the same
When two flies love each other,
They do it so hard that they can never love anything else ever again
If either one of them dies before procreation can happen,
Both sets of genetic code are lost forever.
Now that, is dedication.

After I broke up with Elizabeth,
We spent three days trying to divide all of the things that we had ever bought together
Like if I knew which pot was mine,
Like if I knew which drapes were mine,
Somehow the pain
Would go away

After two praying mantises mate,
The nervous system of the male begins to shut down
While he still has control over his motor functions,
He flops onto his back, offers his soft underbelly up to his lover
Like a gift
She then proceeds to lovingly, so lovingly,
Dice him into tiny cubes, spooning every morsel into her mouth
She wastes nothing, even the exoskeleton is devoured.
She does this, so that when their children are born,
She has a first meal to regurgitate to feed them
Now that, is selflessness.
I could never do that for you
So I have a new plan
I'm going to leave you now
I'm going to spend the rest of my life committing petty injustices
I hope you do the same
I will jaywalk at every opportunity
I will steal things I could easily afford
I will be rude to strangers
I hope you do the same
I hope our petty crimes are enough to cause us to be reborn as lesser creatures
I hope we are reborn as flies
So we can love each other as hard
As we were meant to