Recent reviews by d1etdogwater

It's worth the buy.
1. You get town points to start off with
2. No ads! (noice)
3. It may just be my biased opinion but playing through steam makes me feel so much more safer than just through a website
4. You're supporting the devs, give em some love!
5. It's just borderline fun, You may think (oh well i may as well play the free version through the browser) but when i did i felt cheap (no offense to you browser players) It's such a good yet simple game that does deserve some MOOLAAAAAA once in a while.
They're actively updating the game, Before if you wanted to leave you had to exit out of the whole game, now they added a Leave button! (BTW Kudos, thanks for that) Which was surprising because i was inactive for two months. they must've been getting some real work done. But i'm rambling, Long story short, this is a great game and it's worth the price, it's a great buy and it has great replay value for such a cheap and simple game.
9/10 GG

I stole gasoline from a womans house, found matches at the police station, went back to the womans house, set her on fire, then ♥♥♥♥♥♥ on her continously until she wasn't on fire anymore...11/10 for amatuer fireman in the making.

THIS GAME IS ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ FANTASTIC. There isn't much to say about this game..lets start with the pros
PROS:
- Japan!
- Samurai
- Engrish! (FOTS)
- AVATAR CONQUEST
- Great custom battles and overall controls
- Japan again!!
- The ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ mods! (TY mod developers!)

Cons:
- Blood pack blood is a little TOO distinctive
- Campaign is EHHHH
- Multiplayer is kind of.....FILLED WITH TWR2 FANBO-
That's it..There really isn't much WRONG with this beautiful masterpiece..And you can get the blood toned down and shaded to be more realistic by mods! (another shoutout to mod developers) Not much to do about the campaign though, i guess it's the same as every other campaign out there in the TW series...At the end of the day, this beauty is a masterpiece that you will NOT regret picking up, #HoursOfReplyValue

The factions are fine, the vanilla campaign is fine..The spartan dlc campign is OK..BUT the controls WILL feel very stiff and jenky to people who are used to Shogun 2 or Empire..I mean, overall i guess it's an okay game..So i will recommend it because it's not necessarily..Bad. But i think i'll go back to conquering Japan in Shogun 2. Which is probably the best Total war game..As a matter of fact. What the ♥♥♥♥ are you doing here, instead of being at THAT store page?! Don't you know that Shogun 2 is on ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ sale?! same with Fall of the Samurai and ALL Of the DLC?? This is ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ outrageous...Wait a minute. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, why am I HERE? I'm wasting my time writing a review for a mediocre game when i could be wrecking the Oda with my Ikko Ikki Warrior Monks! What the FU-

What the ♥♥♥♥...The..The Paratroopers only have Six equipment slots?! WHAT?! The ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ paratroopers could carry twice the amount of gear than a regular Army soldier! Evidence? Here's a bit of Joe Toye's complaining from Band of Brothers on how much ♥♥♥♥ he has to carry... Joe Toye: "Three day supply of K-rations, chocolate bars, Charms candy, powdered coffee, sugar, matches, compass, bayonet, entrenching tool, ammunition, gas mask, musette bag with ammo, my webbings, my .45, canteen, two cartons of smokes, Hawkins mine, two grenades, smoke grenade, Gammon grenade, TNT, THIS ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, and a pair of nasty skivvies!"

Perconte: "What's your point?"

Toye: "Well this stuff weighs as much as I do, I've still got my chute, my reserve chute, my Mae West, and my M1!"

Perconte: "Where are you keeping your brass knuckles?"

Toye: "..I could use some brass knuckles.....
Okay, My point, MORE EQUIPMENT SLOTS, ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥.

If you want a bit of a hard start to the game and you're keen with every enemy having a slightly unfair advantage over you, Go with the Cossacks..
If you want an average start to the game with little to no advantage (besides those winged hussars, ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥!!), go with the Polish.
If you want to have an all round warband, go with the Russians (the Muscovite Tsardom)
If you want to be an annoying prick, go with the Crimean Khanate.
And if you want to ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ WRECK BALLS WITH LIFEGUARDS, SWEDISH REITERS AND THE BEST ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ PIKE MEN IN THE GAME, GO WITH MY ♥♥♥♥♥♥, THE SWEDES!!! HOOAHHHHHH!!!!- Er, I mean, yeah. Go with the swedes if you want a pretty good infantry and musketeer advantage, the cavalry is Meh, but they can get the job done.

360 noscoped a dude with a musket with the difficulty of 8.5...
12/10 would noscope again