-God created liquor to keep the Irish from taking over the world
-A drunk irish man is speeding on the highway. He's pulled over, and the officer says "Have you been drinking tonight?". The drunk man says "nothing but this here water". The officer takes the bottle, and takes a whiff. He then says "Sir.. this is wine." The drunk man, baffled, looks up to the sky and claims "You've done it again, haven't ya!?"