I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I’m ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ retarded but I don’t care, I’m beautiful. I’m having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me “Apache” and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can’t accept me you’re a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding

ℳᴇʀʀʏ ℭʜʀɪsᴛᴍᴀs & ℋᴀᴘᴘʏ ℋᴏʟɪᴅᴀʏs!!!
˛*.。˛*˛.*☆҉ *.˛★ ˛*.。˛* ˛. *☆҉ *. ˛*.。˛* ˛. *☆҉
°*_██_*.。*/.*˛\ .˛* .˛。.˛.*.★**★ 。* . *☆҉
˛. (´• ̮•)*.. .*/♫.♫\*˛. * ˛_Π_____.♥*.*☆҉ ˛**. ˛*.。˛. *☆҉
.°( . • .) °../• '♫ ' •\.˛*./______/~＼*. ˛*.。˛* ˛*.。˛* ˛. *☆҉
*(...'•'.. ) *˛╬╬╬╬╬˛°.｜田田 ｜門｜╬╬╬╬╬*˚*. ˛*.。˛* ˛. *☆
¯˜"*°••°*"˜¯`´¯˜"*°••°*"˜¯` ´¯˜"*°´¯˜"*°••°*"˜¯`´¯˜"*°°*"˜¯`´¯˜"*°

This guy ♥♥♥♥♥

After a good game in csgo, i added him because he seemed like a cool guy. We got chatting, over the next couple of months we became good friends. Lots of banter, lots of great CS and most importantly true friendship.
I invited him to my house for a csgo lan party. He said he was coming so i was looking forward to meeting him in real life.
When he arrived at my house, he pushed me against the wall and started nibbling my ear, i felt his hard ♥♥♥♥ push against my leg. I punched him and then 1 tapped him. Turns out he was gay. Don't trust this guy.