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It be my most urgent requirement to inform you that there are 72 genders of chickens in your home, I have sent a tightly wrapped and secure packaged flame thrower for your use. However, I must inform you that 11% of the chickens will attempt to cancel you when you are removing them from your home, so please be in mind, to have tea with your lawyers.
Dearly and Concernedly,
Your long lost Uncle.
Thank-you for the suggestion. Unfortunately is Chicken Tendy night so our guests will not have any use of the fine china. I will instead request your use of the large battle-axes we keep proudly hoisted above the dinner table.
For The Benefit of,
Mr. Kite